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Buy Me These Vintage Beyoncé And Britney Valentines I Found On eBay, Thank You

Hi. What’s up. How’s it going.

Like every girl, I’ve spent my Valentine’s Day thus far scouring eBay for vintage boxes of pop star-branded Valentines. After a couple of hours I mean minutes, I managed to find some. It wasn’t easy, but is it ever? Baking pies is never a walk in the cakes when you gotta build Rome, as they say.

I found, buried deep down beneath the faded concert tees and decades-old collectible mugs, a few boxes of Y2K-era schoolyard Valentines featuring Britney Spears and the debatably true canon lineup of Destiny’s Child: Beyoncé Knowles, second lead vocalist Kelly Rowland, and the only Michelle Williams we recognize on intomore dot com.

Here’s one of the sets featuring the Survivor onward members of Destiny’s Child.

The Valentines appear to be made with a kind of holographic foil, just like the holofoil Pokémon trading cards you’d talk to with second-person “you” pronouns when no one else was around. They contain messages like “Hope your Valentine’s Day is a big hit!”, “Be my Valentine,” and “Wishing you peace & harmony on Valentine’s Day!” I love friend-zoning wordplay, personally.

Here are some ones with Britney on ‘em from the year before the U.S. invaded Afghanistan, a military conflict that remains ongoing after 17 years.

They all say “Hope your Valentine’s Day is a big hit!”, just like some of the Destiny’s Child ones do.

I also found these Britney Valentines from 2001. They all say “Hope your Valentine’s Day sings!” God bless whoever this frustrated aspiring writer doing branded copy for Kmart-distributed Valentines to pay the bills was. Hope you made it out of there ok.

Will I buy them, or will I just look?

What will I decide?

Why, that’s what the rest Valentine’s Day is for. Mulling over life choices and wondering where I went or could still possibly go wrong. Happy Valentimes;d daDy98po;;’akgjhh,.


Harron Walker

Harron Walker is a freelance journalist living in Brooklyn. Her work can be found on Vice, BuzzFeed, Teen Vogue, Vulture, Them, and a bunch of other places.

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