Salty Jason Statham-starrer The Meg hit theaters earlier this month and drew an unsuspecting crowd of moviegoers: gay people.
#TheMeg is a good combination of humor and horror. đŚđŚđŚ#JasonStatham's body is a splendid feast for me đ¤¤đ¤¤đ¤¤ (I guess I have #daddyissues, so #gay đłď¸âđđłď¸âđđłď¸âđ)⌠pic.twitter.com/vf6myTwSec
â Landon 𤣠(@zgzoyj) August 15, 2018
im claiming shark movies for the gays. jaws is a lesbian icon and we support her https://t.co/XcuwTuvMkx
â adam (@OfficiaIABBA) August 30, 2018
New aesthetic for 2018 is Ruby Rose as a boat skipper in #TheMeg . Gay icon
â Megan Real đłď¸âđ (@Mreal1998) August 10, 2018
Iâm finally seeing the meg tonight canât wait to be gay and watch sharks
â Ell đťđˇ (@PoppieMae) August 22, 2018
#TheMeg âRuby Rose is in itâ Gay Part of me: ââŚone ticket to the Meg pleaseâ
â Sarah Isabel (@sarahisastella) August 1, 2018
Went to watch The Meg just to see Ruby Rose in 3D
Best decision my gay ass has done in a while đđź
â Josc (@Joscelyne_R) August 28, 2018
i wanna go see the meg but nobody will come with me just let me be gay and admire ruby rose
â đšoliđť (@damagedpeach) August 26, 2018
A film starring an almost offensively heterosexual man and a gigantic sea creature doesnât sound like the type of film that would send queer people rushing to the box office, and yet, almost every gay and bi+ person I know turned out for The Meg, and they turned out hard. Even though the movie doesnât feature any same-sex storylines, queer people might be on to something here: Are all movies about the ocean gay?
Think about it. Almost every major motion picture set by the sea has an expansive gay fan base â the LGBTQ community literally ensures the success of every sandy beach movie thatâs ever flowed through Hollywood. Deep down, I think I always knew that Gay Sea Movies was a genre, I just wasnât ready to admit it. And now I have the evidentiary support to prove that ocean movies are exclusively for queer people.
The Meg (2018)
Exhibit A. Lesbian queen Ruby Rose is featured prominently in this supersized shark movie, and even though she doesnât play queer, sheâs still there, OK? The plot of this thriller-comedy is extremely queer: The Megalodon, endearingly condensed to The Meg, is an angry, bitter gal who has spent a lifetime wallowing in the abysmal depths of the Pacific Ocean. One day, she fucking snaps and can no longer bear the burden of stifling her true self or hiding herself from the world. But when she finally reveals her truth and surfaces and, naturally, hormonally lashes out at her oppressors, surprise surpriseâsheâs greeted with fear, hatred, and white men who want to shove her back in the closetâI mean, abyss.
Seriously, what was the source material for this movie? Me? And not for nothing, but the whole prehistoric angry lesbian trope has been done before â lest we forget that all the violent rage-head dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were female. As I always say, life finds a gay!
Â
Aquamarine (2006)
If you havenât seen 2006 cinematic tour de Aquamarine, then Iâm sorry for your heterosexuality. Some major bullet points: It stars JoJo Levesque, yes, the (barely) forgotten queen of pop who gifted us with hits like âLeave (Get Out),â âToo Little Too Late,â and âBaby Itâs You.â Levesque stars alongside a barely teenage Emma Roberts as best friends who discover a real-life mermaid, played by Sara Paxton.
The duo becomes wholly obsessed and enchanted by the vivacious siren, as one would, and even though there are mediocre male love interests in the movie, lez be honest: this is a movie about falling in love with a woman. A legless, amphibious, shimmery one, yes, but then again, doesnât the first time you fall for a woman feel exactly like falling for a mystical, glittery, mythological sea creature? It feels impossible and all-encompassing and (sometimes) secret. It blows up your entire world and reality, and challenges what you thought you knew about yourself and the world. So even though any movie starring a famous pop star is inherently queer, Aquamarine is exceedingly lesbian.
Â
Andre (1994)
If you were a fan of â90s-girl backward hat culture, like Alex Mack and the Olsen Twinsâ movies, then chances are, youâve seen Andre. Based on a true story, Andre follows a little girl in Maine named Toni (Tina Majorino) who wears backward hats, plaid, and denim vests (these are her main character traits). Her parents are âanimal enthusiastsâ who decide to nurse an ailing seal back to health, but Toni becomes particularly close to the sea animal.
Allow me to dive deep here: When queer people are young, I think we often seek attachment and companionship with strange and sometimes off-putting âpartners.â Whether itâs an imaginary friend, an unwitting doll, or an unsuspecting animal friend, having a close friendship with an inanimate object or other species is an extremely queer experience.
Iâm serious. At an early age, weâre often unaware of stuff like sexuality or attraction, but we know weâre not into the traditional things weâre expected to be interested in, like being chased by boys on the playground or sharing innocent kisses or crushes with boys. Since I didnât know that having intimate relationships with girls was a possibility, I often found solace in my toys and sports and four-legged friends. Iâm sorry this blurb got so dark so quick, but what Iâm saying is, I saw myself in Toni, both aesthetically and in her off-putting emotional attachments to things that arenât human.
Â
The Shallows (2016)
Obviously this goes without saying, but every Blake Lively movie is a gay movie. The former Gossip Girl star and natural heiress to the Lower East Side is one of those rare and effervescent jewels that both gay men and lesbians can agree on. With that being said, it feels like The Shallows was literally made for the LGBTQ community. Based on my research (which is just, like, knowing gay people), I think itâs fair to say that 95% of The Shallowsâ fan base is queer.
Another shark thriller, this movie follows Nancy Adams (Lively), who loses her mother and heads to an unfrequented beach for some serenity and clarity. While surfing alone (idiot), she gets chomped by a Great White and hops on a nearby rock to survive. Eventually, she must swim to a buoy to beat her tormentor and get her sweet, sweet revenge. So, to recap: The Shallows is about being hunted: gay. Vengeance: canonically gay. Mommy issues: they exclusively belong to queer women.
Â
Blue Crush (2002)
Does this one really need an explainer? Starring Kate Bosworth, the out and queer Michelle Rodriguez, and Sanoe Lake, Blue Crush is literally every millennial queer womanâs root movie. Even though this surfer film was super popular in the early aughts, queer girls were way more into it than our straight friends. I demanded surf lessons from my parents. I took up a sudden interest in the words âsex wax.â Iâve seen this movie probably 100 times, and I still think the funniest part is when the three girls lose their goddamn minds, shrieking and gagging over the sight of a used condom. We get it, youâre all gay! So are we!
This movie is like actually extremely gay, so thereâs no need to delve into queer undertones and source material here. Thereâs lady butts, sporty girl paraphernalia, and puka shell necklaces. Itâs basically Billabong porn. Donât even act like you didnât deck your 2000s self out in gay shit like Billabong and Quiksilver. Surf on me, Kate Bosworth!Â
Â
Honorable mention to Finding Nemo and Finding Dory, two of the highest grossing animated movies of all time, which are both led by Ellen DeGeneres. Also shoutout to both Mamma Mia! movies, which are set by the sea and are musicals â AKA Gay Sea Movies. And a friendly nod to Oceanâs 8, which takes place nowhere near a shoreline, but has the word âoceanâ in the title and stars Cate Blanchett.