Ask June

Is There Such a Thing as a Good Date?

Recently I experienced something that seemed quite elusive. A successful date! If you’ve been reading this column, you already know I’ve had my challenges and met up with my fair share of challenging people. 

Dating success, in my opinion, means you met up, had fun, and went on about your business. There could be a follow-up that includes but is not limited to texting, sexting, or a phone call. 

The elements of a successful date are communication, planning, consideration, desire, and mutual respect. Recently, I had two dates in the works. One was on Friday night and the other one was on Saturday night. The Friday date was with a man. The Saturday night date was with a woman. 

You know I’m bi, but I haven’t had a date with a man since last year’s drunken shenanigans. In all truth, that guy had turned me off from dudes for a little while. I’ve known this woman for more than a year. However, she is severely lacking in all but one of the elements required for a successful date. But, she keeps her kitty cat clean and bald as a tootsie pop sooooo, there’s that delightful and noteworthy ingredient. There is definitely desire there and sadly, not much else.

The elements of a successful date are communication, planning, consideration, desire, and mutual respect.

But let’s begin at the beginning: I met the guy on Bumble. My homie in Cali met her sweetie on there, so the app came highly recommended. He’s tall, with a curly afro and a sprinkling of really cute freckles across his nose. He’s a biochemist working on a new pill for Covid. He did the right amount of engaging through the app to build trust. Take note here fellas: Take the time to do this crucial first step. He openly communicated with me. After a day or two of back and forth, he asked to chat more off the app. Before I went forward with the communication, his profile lured me in. No gym pictures, no bathroom selfies, no images of him fishing or holding up a poor dead deers’ rack of antlers, and no silly filters. Gosh, I could actually see him smiling in his pictures. I don’t know why you guys think a person wants to date a mean mug. If I see a profile with no smiles taken only from the head up, I’m swiping left. The assumption is that either you don’t have any teeth or they look busted. If the profile has only head and shoulders, I’m assuming your bottom half is wildly out of proportion.  

His first picture was of him smiling with his mom, the second was full length showing all 6’1” of himself and the last two were also smiling. He gets a gold star and a swipe right just for that.

If your profile has only head and shoulders, I’m assuming your bottom half is wildly out of proportion.  

On that Tuesday, we had a short but informative phone call. He sent a  video verifying that he was not a catfish bot. He asked me my likes and dislikes including what types of food I ate. Throughout the week, he would text to keep in touch. That Thursday, he sent a screenshot of our dinner reservation at a lovely restaurant. Major points alert.  

Communication – check. Planning – check. Consideration – check.  On the day of the date, he text confirming that we were still on for that evening. Mutual respect – check. 

He arrived early, sending a text that he’d been seated and was not only waiting for me, but really excited to see me. Desire – check. As I got there just a few minutes later, he walked to the front of the restaurant to greet me, led the way to our table, then, he did it. He moved  my chair so that I could sit down. Chivalry for the win. We had a good conversation and found many more things in common. There was never a  lull in the back and forth. My meal was delicious and wait for it – he paid!  Check, check and check! 

I rolled into Saturday with hope and a bit of trepidation. I hadn’t heard from her since she texted the prior week to let me know the only availability in her schedule was on either Wednesday or Saturday. On Saturday afternoon I called her and it went to voicemail. Later that evening about 7  o’clock she texted that she could meet around ten. I didn’t know where, so I asked if she was visiting me, to which she replied okay.  Around 11 pm I heard back as she relayed that she’d feel more comfortable meeting at a hotel. She dropped a caveat that if I was not able to meet  then, that we could meet up “next time.”  

There was no plan, no communication, no consideration, and no respect.  And ultimately, there won’t be a next time.

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