With all of the lavish decor and gaudy jumpers on display, is there any season gayer than Christmas? Probably not, and we’re here to prove it with 25 festive bangers that are performed by queer and queer-friendly artists, one for each day of Advent.
So kick back, grab a loved one and whack some chestnuts out as we forage through a sack of yuletide joy.
Mariah Carey – “Oh Santa”
All I want for Christmas is for people to start appreciating Mariah Carey’s second festive album, Merry Christmas II You and the lead single is a great place to start.
RuPaul – “Funky Christmas (Christmas At My House)”
Before RuPaul released her first Christmas album in 1997, queer people everywhere had no idea how funky the festival season could truly be. Yet another reason to be thankful for the Drag Race host.
Chris Colfer & Darren Criss – “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
Say what you want about Glee, but it was heartwarming to watch Kurt and Blaine cover this Christmas standard with an adorable gay twist. All these years later, Klaine are still true relationship goals.
Kylie Minogue – “Santa Baby”
The Aussie Princess of Pop has made a career out of her irresistible sex appeal, but she’s never sounded more alluring than she does here on her cover of Eartha Kitt’s seductive song.
Lady Gaga – “Christmas Tree”
If you haven’t started listening to any festive songs yet, you could do worse than popping your cherry cherry boom boom to Lady Gaga’s raunchy take on the season. You’ll never “falalalalalalala” in the same way again.
Judy Garland – “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”
Only those who have heard this song performed in the 1944 film Meet Me In St Louis will understand how heartbreaking this now jolly standard really is. Garland did that.
Pansy Division – “Homo Christmas”
If you haven’t heard this song before, then expect your bells to get truly jangled with lyrics like “You’ll probably get sweaters/ underwear and socks/ but what you’d really like for Christmas/ is a nice hard cock.” You might be better off waiting until Gran’s nodded off before pressing play on this one.
Big Freedia – “Make It Jingle”
The Queen of Bounce will have you twerking right up to the New Year with this booty shaking anthem. You’d be stupid not to make it jingle this Christmas.
Britney Spears – “My Only Wish (This Year)”
My only wish this year is that people would finally recognise Festney as the Christmas icon she truly is. Are you even a real fan if you’re not blasting this song all year round?
Tegan and Sara – “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)”
If anyone could rescue this song from those irritating chipmunks, it’s these identical Canadian lesbian twins.
Indigo Girls – “It Really is a Wonderful Life”
Twelve albums in, the Indigo Girls took a break from their award-winning folky angst to craft an entire album of festive gems. Sweeter than a candy cane, “It Really is a Wonderful Life” deserves to be on everyone’s Christmas playlist this season.
Ariana Grande – “Santa Tell Me”
Come for those powerhouse vocals. Stay for the leopard print hat and gloves.
The Weather Girls – “Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas)”
Wanna make it rain men this Christmas? The Weather Girls will show you how and if this isn’t gay enough for you, check out the fabulous cover version recorded by William, Courtney Act, and Alaska Thunderfuck too.
Kelly Clarkson – “Underneath the Tree”
Mariah Carey will never die, because she’s Mariah Carey, but if she did, then Kelly Clarkson would be the obvious choice to replace her as the Queen of the Season. Not only does she have the voice, but she’s already recorded a Christmas classic of her very own too.
Destiny’s Child – “8 Days Of Christmas”
If you’re ever in doubt, just know that Christmas was made for cheering.
Tracy Chapman – “O Holy Night”
Religious or not, you’ll worship at the feet of Tracy Chapman by the time that this song is over.
Janelle Monáe – “Winter Wonderland”
Long before Janelle Monáe made “pussy pants” a thing, the Electric Lady was making us dance apocalyptic with this very special cover in a 2008 GAP commercial.
Steve Grand – “All I Want for Christmas Is You”
We get it. Mariah’s version is unbeatable, but if you’re looking for a decidedly gayer change of pace, than Steve Grand’s cover will satisfy all of your festive needs, complete with his adorable boyfriend in the video.
Barbra Streisand – “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”
There was no way we couldn’t include Babs in some capacity. It’s hard to pick a favourite though, so just consider this a gentle nudge towards one of her many glorious Christmas albums.
London Gay Men’s Chorus – “Coming Out at Christmas”
Need some help coming out to your family this Christmas? The London Gay Men’s Chorus have got you covered with lines like: “First I’ll get their full attention / then I’ll drop a subtle mention: / ‘Lovely tree, and by the way / some of my closest friends are gay.’”
Queen – “Thank God It’s Christmas”
You thought Bohemian Rhapsody was a travesty? The real crime is that Queen’s take on Christmas hasn’t become a festive classic in it’s own right. But yeah, the movie does suck too.
Christina Aguilera – “Christmas Time”
Christmas is all kinds of extra, and nothing fits that better than baby Christina Aguilera at her most extra too, overwhelming listeners with the kind of unnecessary vocal runs that no one else can match.
k.d. Lang – “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”
Even when it’s not December, we always have a constant craving for k.d. Lang’s take on the famous Grinch song which she first recorded for a Christmas Glee episode in Season 2.
Rihanna – “I Just Don’t Feel Like Christmas Without You”
Rihanna might be anti a lot of things, but she’s a sucker for Christmas cheer. Listen to this one on repeat until her next album finally drops.
Wham – “Last Christmas”
Santa would have absolutely put me on the naughty list if I hadn’t included George Michael’s yuletide classic, but if you’re fed up of hearing Wham every year, you could also check out Carly Rae Jepsen’s version too in a party for one or more.
Header image via Getty