Tush Talk

People are posting their gay awakenings and it’s getting real steamy in here

We’ve spoken before—at length!—about the galaxy-shifting moment that was Chris Evans in 2005’s The Fantastic Four. But let’s just say some things bear repeating. The moment Evans, playing Johnny Storm aka the Human Torch, shows up onscreen wearing nothing but a pink jacket covering his nether regions, a nation swooned. And can you blame us for still swooning?

In December, a user was fondly recalling the moment Evans—pink shirt and all—turned them from being 100% straight to 100% gay. It took just one image, and honestly…it tracks.

The gay agenda? Basically just Chris Evans in a pink wraparound.

Obviously, this poster wasn’t the only one who recalled the film with horny fondness. Soon a legion of Chris Evans-loving fans came forward to tell their own tale.

Chris Evans is basically a gay conversion therapist…as in a therapist who converts straight people into gay people. The world needs more of them!

RIP heterosexuality, you would have loved Hinge.

Never forget.

Let’s pour one out for the many bisexuals forged in fire that day.

But wait…there’s even more to the story. Chris Evans wasn’t just serving in The Fantastic Four—have we forgotten his ab-forward performances in Cellular and Not Another Teen Movie?

And Chris Evans was hardly the only person transforming perfectly heterosexual Americans into God-fearing, Bible-thumping queers!

It was the tush that launched a thousand gay fantasies, and it remains a prominent asset in our spank bank to this day. Even if its owner is…maybe not the greatest guy to be crushing on in hindsight.

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