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Michelle Tea Gets the Tea From … Candy Lawrence

To know comedian Candy Lawrence is to love her. She frequently posts wacky videos on the internet, alongside completely genuine, earnest posts about being a person in the world. And she hosts a podcast, Chill Pills, about mental health.

I’m extra happy about the videos and the podcast, because if you don’t live in Los Angeles, where she is often found performing at various comedy shindigs, you still get to bask in her spirited weirdness. And isn’t spirited weirdness the very thing we need to get through most days? You can find more of her special brand of it at comedylawrence.com and on Instagram at @comedylawrence.

Here she answers my same old 15 questions.

What is the most uncanny thing that you have ever experienced?

After my dad passed away in August of 2013 I found it pointless to shower or take care of myself.  He was always well groomed and smelled of Irish Spring and Old Spice. One day when I was the only one home, I went into the bathroom and the shower was on and running. So, I took a spooky shower.

What is in your bag right now?

What isn’t? I carry around a backpack kinda like a mom would carry around a diaper bag, so the baby’s needs are taken care of at all times. Contents include gum, inhaler, Chapstick that I don’t use, a Tweety pen, flashlight, pin, and toothbrush. (My co-worker’s mom gives her Looney Stuff to bring to me most days. I could probably wear a Tweety-inspired outfit every day for two weeks. I am not a huge Tweety fan, but it makes me laugh a lot.) A comic book called Megg & Mogg in Amsterdam and Other Stories that I borrowed from my friend a year ago. A Chicago Bulls pencil case, sunglasses, meds (Lamictal), a hideous Ed Hardy wallet, headphones, and my comedy notebook.

Please share the 15th picture on your cell phone.

My grandma, Julia Seeley aka Gramcracker.

How are you like or not like your sun sign?

Fuuuuuuckkkkk. I’m a double Scorpio and I feel like one in a lot of ways. I used to be very secretive and closed off, but now I’m pretty much an open book. ASK ME ANYTHING. My social security # is…

What is the last book you read? Song you listened to? Show or movie you watched?

Book: Stitches – A graphic memoir by David Small; Song: “Tenderness” by General Public; Movie: Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael.

What was the last meal you cooked?

I like to call oatmeal “porridge.”

Where would you like to go on vacation right now?

Due to money (and being afraid of flying – past tense), I didn’t travel a whole lot. The only stamps in my passport are from Mexico and Canada. I would love to visit the Greek Islands. And then I’d come home and watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding with my mom.

Tell me about getting to meet someone you idolize or admire.

I’m a comedian and most of my idols are comedians as well. I opened for Maria Bamford at Comedy on State in Madison, WI. She’s hilarious, brave and has the ability to make difficult things like mental illness funny. She was so sweet and modest and took me out to dinner and asked me questions about my life. I “met” Amy Sedaris in a Borders located in Chicago when her first book came out. She signed it and I said, “Hi.” I can be very shy.

What are you like when you’re sick?

I’m a big baby and usually want a little bell to ring for help. I always request a hot nurse. My ex used to set up my Nebulizer for me when my asthma got bad. I’m single now and I surprised myself by being able to take care and baby myself really well.

What are you obsessed with or inspired by right now?

The cartoon Clarence on Cartoon Network. It’s based on a spirited boy who sees the best in everything. He makes the most mundane things interesting/fun/funny. I’m not kidding when I say it has helped with my new and positive outlook on life. Anytime I need a pick me up – I put Clarence on.  

What are you upset about right now?

I’m good in the present moment.

What is the most recent dream you remember?

I’ve been having a lot of very vivid dreams lately. I usually forget them once I wake up, but one dream I do remember is about my ex’s mom. She said, “Candy, don’t pee in my beautiful hot tub.” I replied, “That’s fair.” And then I woke up.

Who are your queer ancestors?

I don’t know – my family is pretty secretive.  Although, my cousin drove a pick-up truck and called me “buddy” when I was little. She’s one of us.

What is your dream project?

I’d really like to voice a character in a cartoon. I would love to have a Carol Burnett-esque show. Writing sketches with my best friends, making each other break and wearing lots and lots of wigs. I love being in front of a live audience. Also, I don’t fancy myself a writer, but I already have the title to my autobiography picked out: “Hold for Laughs.” It’ll be funny and sad. Getting sober has also made me realize that I want to help others going through recovery. I haven’t figured out exactly what that means just yet.

What are you doing this weekend?

Going to the beach at 6am with a friend, writing meeting, housewarming party, and doing a character on Ron Lynch’s Tomorrow show at Midnight (waaaaay past my bedtime). A short video shoot where I play a professional cornhole player, and I hope to swim at the Hollywood pool near Santa Monica and Cahuenga – it has a twisty slide. NO BIG DEAL.

Tags: Art
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