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This TikToker has an important point about dating mascs and studs

As each new generation reaches maturity, it seems we’re doomed to have the same conversations over and over again. For instance: apparently a new wave of sapphics on TikTok are claiming that dating masc-identified lesbians makes you straight.

Which…no. Just no.

Thankfully, the always insightful, always hilarious Chrys (@theqweeragenda on TikTok) is setting the record gay in no uncertain terms. When someone tried to claim that dating mascs was somehow not sapphic enough—Chrys dragged her immediately, and the dragging was deeply needed.

“If you like mascs and studs,” the original creator posted, “respectfully go be straight.” But obviously there’s nothing respectful about this framework, and Chrys took no time at all breaking it down. “Femininity and masculinity are not genders,” she explained. “Gender itself is a construct, but that’s another conversation.” Chrys goes on to be quite clear about the fact that gender expression and gender identity are not the same thing, and that sapphics are free to express themselves however they want while still identifying as women.

“If a cis man said he did not want to date a feminine gay guy, nobody would be confused,” Chrys says, “because they would understand that despite the fact that that gay guy might have traits that are typically associated with women, he’s still very much a man.”

A masculine woman, Chrys explains, is still a woman: that’s why this harmful idea that somehow only femme for femme couples “count” really needs to die. Butch women are not automatically trans men simply by virtue of their masculine expression, and to see them this way doesn’t make any sense.

“I am attracted to certain forms of masculinity,” Chrys continues. “But I’m not attracted to men, therefore I date masculine women.”

There you go—It’s not rocket science! And the fact that sapphic creators have to keep pointing this out—as in the notorious case of the strap-on discourse—is concerning.

“I defend the right for your dynamics to exist,” Chrys says, referring to femme-for-femme relationships that have historically been erased or glossed over by straight people, “but I gotta go be straight because my girlfriend wears boxer briefs?”

The fact is, sapphics have a hard enough time not being erased and invalidated by straight society. When that invalidation comes from other queer people, it hurts even more.

So let’s not police anyone’s gender identity, gender expression, or relationship dynamic, shall we?

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