Gayming

A brief and very necessary history of Pokemon zaddies

While most Pokemon players have their sights set on the cuddly titular monsters, some of us are on the hunt for more elusive game: the Pokemon zaddy. Although once rare, this unique specimen—hotter than the hottest fire-type Pokemon—is becoming a regular feature of recent titles.

Case in point: the most recent entry in the long-running franchise, Detective Pikachu Returns. While the spinoff is a deviation from the main series, featuring a grizzled, caffeine-addicted, talking Pikachu, the game (which we mostly enjoyed) has carried on the tradition of making supporting characters daddy AF.

First up is Howard Myers, mayor of Ryme City (the game’s central location). Sporting an impeccably tailored suit and a salt-and-pepper stache, Mayor Myers is looking to get personal with his constituents and show them the true meaning of civic duty.

As part of his new administration, Myers institutes the Pokemon Protection Bureau and installs Will Butler as its chief. With a half-buttoned shirt and sleeves that barely contain his biceps, Chief Butler is ready to protect and serve. Outside of the municipal authorities, mineralist Professor Trevor Gordon is not afraid to get his hands dirty.

While the plot of the game is largely carried out by whitebread twink Tim Goodman, these daddies are hard at work taking care of business behind the scenes.

Lately, Pokemon developer GameFreak has had a thing for putting zaddies in positions of authority—just one of the positions we can imagine them in. Last year, the release of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet ushered in this brave new era of Nintendo nasty. While the game itself had a middling reception, gaymers found plenty of other aspects to admire.

The announcement of two new Pokemon professors (which just so happened to coincide with the start of Pride month) nearly broke the internet in the rush to upload thirsty fan art. With professors Sada and Turo at the lectern, the entire next generation of Pokemon trainers are staying after class everyday.

GameFreak followed up with the announcement of Instructor Saguaro, a professor of economics—sugar daddy finance king, in other words.

Are all these Pokemon daddies coincidences, or is GameFreak really going out of their way to give their game assets the best assets? Possibly. But more likely, the gays have infiltrated the character design team, and they deserve a raise for their hard and important work.

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