Here’s every last bombshell dropped in that George Santos profile

George Santos: he’s the man we love to hate! To be fair, he’s given us ample reason: when you look up “gay Benedict Arnold” in the dictionary, you’ll see George Santos’s picture. He’s spoken out against drag, despite having a drag persona of his own. He’s currently defending Israel’s ethnic genocide of Palestinians in Gaza, and he’s just been brought up on 10 new counts of felony and fraud. Basically, he’s just an American patriot doing his best to give gay people in government the worst name possible.

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He’s also, famously, surrounded by a flurry of lies and controversy. To get down to the cold hard truth, New York Times journalist Grace Ashford tracked Santos down and asked him to distinguish fact from fiction. The result is a fascinating profile of someone who seems to not have the firmest grasp on the truth, but believes in his own version of events. Here’s everything we learned from the bombshell expose:

He currently faces 23 counts of felony

Including fraud.

He did NOT steal anyone’s scarf

Phew!

He did not rob someone’s GoFundMe for their dying dog

He doesn’t even know the owner!

Kitara Rivache was his drag persona for one festival only

Not a career choice.

He believes his niece was kidnapped by the Chinese Communist Party

For 40 minutes.

He feels that he “threw [his] entire life into the toilet and flushed it to get elected”

I mean, the facts speak for themselves. Also good luck fixing that plumbing.

He feels that the fraud charges leveled against him are the result of a series of “mistakes and misunderstandings”

Interesting logic, I hope he won’t mind if I run with it. “Your honor, believe me, I actually have paid every last cent of my student loans, this all a mistake, and to a lesser extent, a misunderstanding.”

Him potentially leaving office doesn’t end “this”

Good to know?