Shame B*ner

Photos of a Ripped Mark Zuckerberg are Making Everyone Supremely Uncomfortable

Listen, shame crushes happen. We’ve all gotten them: they’re what happens when your libido and your sense of good taste simply refuse to see eye to eye, or even have so much as a conversation. The libido is its own sovereign state, and we must obey its dictates, even if those dictates are hard to respect.

All this is to say that there’s a picture of Mark Zuckerberg looking curiously jacked, and the queers are standing at attention. It’s called a shame boner, and it happens to the best of us.

It all started when Elon Musk’s threat of a cage match with the Meta and Threads founder started to get serious. Zuckerberg, not one to shy away from a challenge, started training immediately.

Now I know what you’re thinking: yes, there’s a six-pack going on. Yes, she’s serving torso. But she’s also serving billionaire, and since we know there is no ethical way to be a billionaire, it’s a pretty big boner killer.

Unless you’re any of the shameless gays on the Internet who are nakedly thirsting after Zuck’s new bod.

But also, it happens. Sometimes arousal happens without our consent, and for many online gays, that’s exactly what’s happening here.

In the words of Tony Soprano, sometimes the d*ck wants what the d*ck wants.

Then again, it’s one thing to feel that way and another to express it publically.

Dearest gay community…

Wherever you happen to fall on the Zuck-sexual spectrum, one thing is clear: there’s one man who can’t get Zuck’s body off his mind.

Honestly, can’t wait for the cage match.

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