These NSFW-Flavored Chips Have Confirmed That Straight People are Not Ok

Long ago, in a Twitterverse very different from the current one, comedian Michael Ian Black sent out what remains, in my memory, the perfect tweet, the tweet to end all tweets.

“There’s a band called Imagine Dragons,” he wrote, “and somehow I’m the asshole?”

I can’t find it to link to it, but to this day one of my favorite tweets of all time is @michaelianblack: “There’s a band named Imagine Dragons and *I’m* the asshole?” Just a perfect tweet.

— Lauren Heather (@laurenheather16) September 18, 2020

Today, I must borrow Mr. Black’s brilliant phrasing to address the problem at hand:

There’s literally a girl cum flavor of potato chip out there, and somehow queer people are still seen as the problem?

what if all of this was a mistake pic.twitter.com/iH9KLsvVWS

— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) November 10, 2022

Obviously, I have a million questions. What, specifically, do the makers of these chips think pussy tastes like? Are they aware that every vagina has a distinct flavor? Will there be flavors within the genre of “pussy flavored,” such as “period” and “yeast infection?”

But most importantly of all, I must simply ask: why.

“Pussy Flavored” Potato Chips Have Finally Arrived At Barstool https://t.co/jKfHugqXea pic.twitter.com/v8L7NQ9iqv

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) November 10, 2022

The use of “finally” is about as grim as it gets. As is the fact that someone has already tried these chips for posterity. “Grab your hair tie,” he says, “because today we’re going to go down on some pussy-flavored chips.”

Pussy flavored potato chips, the most unnecessary snack pic.twitter.com/XIrZQ7KV3C

— Vibbs (@thejeffvibbert) November 10, 2022

The Lithuanian brand Chazz Chips is seemingly famous for their 18+ flavors, which are not limited to the pussy chips—there’s also “Mussels and Wine,” “Bloody Mary”, and a flavor simply called “Pink Soup.”

But only one flavor promises to help you “lose your virginity.”

I better put on my SafeSox to eat these pic.twitter.com/MZve9VSbh7

— Safe Sox (@safe_sox) November 10, 2022

Perhaps the most damning aspect of all, however, is the fact that according to taste testers, they fall short of the mark.
“They’re just bad chips,” one of the tasters explains. “They don’t taste like pussy. I like the taste of pussy.”