Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with wanting casual sex. But sometimes, you want something a little bit more, especially when you can actually see yourself falling for the guy.
The thing is, you don’t want to come off too strong. I’ve had guys ask, “So, what are we?” after the second time we’ve had sex. At which point I’m like, “I have absolutely no idea. I literally know nothing about you besides the fact that you look fabulous naked.” Mind you, these were guys I met in bars or online, and there was very little communication before having sex. These weren’t guys I went on actual dates with and got to know prior to getting down to business.
Now, as someone who (in a past life) used men for sex (more often than I care to admit), let me share what the telltale signs are that he’s not looking to have a more serious relationship with you.
1. He’s not befriending you on any social media.
This is a big sign he’s not interested in you for anything more than sex. If you’ve hooked up a few times, and he hasn’t accepted your friend request on Facebook or Instagram, that means he’s not looking for something serious. He wants to keep you at arm’s length and is attempting to do so by not connecting with you on social.
2. He’s not sending any “How was your day?” texts.
When you like someone (for more than their body), you want to hear about their day. You want to actually talk to them. So, if he’s not messaging you during the day, asking those silly conversational questions, then he’s not that interested in getting to know you. If you’re only getting the “You up?” text at 1 AM, then obviously he sees you as more of a booty call than as something serious.
3. You don’t go out together.
If your activities are limited to the bedroom, and he never wants to go out to a bar, movie, or restaurant with you, then odds are he doesn’t see you as more than a blow-up sex doll. If he were interested in you for more than sex, he would set up (or at least agree to) a night on the town together, where you would spend more time chatting as opposed to bumping uglies.
4. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.
I would never introduce a guy to friends if I only saw him as a casual hook-up. Meeting the friends is a signal that this is a more serious relationship. So if he keeps saying, “Yeah, one of these days you’ll meet my friends,” but doesn’t make an actual effort to set up a get-together, then you know he’s not looking for anything more than sex. When you like a guy, you want to introduce them to your friends, because you want to hear their feedback. You want your friends to say, “Oh my God, I looooveeeee him.”
5. He only likes positions where you don’t look face-to-face.
Don’t get me wrong, positions like doggy style are great. However, these types of positions are definitely less intimate than positions where you actually have to look into each other’s eyes. If the guy sees you as something casual and wants to keep you as something casual, he’s not going to willingly engage in positions where you are forced to look each other directly in the eyes for extended periods of times.
If you find yourself in the situation of wanting something more (when it’s unclear if he does), first make an effort to see if he’s open to going out, meeting your friends, and trying more intimate sexual positions. Who knows? Maybe he’s just afraid to kick your relationship up a notch or doesn’t think that you have any desire to. If you see him actively pushing back against your attempts to take your relationship to the next level, then I’d recommend having a conversation with him, moving on, or at the very least, changing your expectations so that they are more in line with his.