Dearly Beloved, I Thought He Liked Me

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader who is a bit on the shier side of life when it comes to thotting and bopping steps out of his comfort zone in order to approach a snack. Things go well initially — think of any late 1990s or early 2000s music video from a boy band or R&B group set in the club — but it quickly turns into the chorus of Destiny’s Child’s underrated bop “Where’d You Go?” What do you do when you’re a shy guy trying to snatch up a bae only to be swatted down by silence? Michael is here to help solve the riddle.

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

Dearly Beloved,

I’m a pretty reserved gay and I have been trying to put myself out there recently. Last weekend my friends took me to a club and I asked a guy out and he agreed to go see a movie.

He seemed really excited too.

I gave him my number and we agreed he would message to set something up. I haven’t heard from him in a week.

What went wrong?

Best,

Confused.

—

Dear Confused,

Congratulations to you for dusting off your tongue and using it to speak to a presumably cute boy. We here at The Gay Agenda, LLC appreciate your efforts to help boost the number of practicing homosexuals. However, I’m so sorry to hear that for all your efforts, this dude ended up ghosting you.

Now, there are varying reasons why this might have happened. The first is the most obvious: men are garbage. This is why I constantly explain to folks that I have the gender equivalent of white guilt ‘cause men simply don’t act right.

To that end, reason two: meeting a man at the club may not always be the move. I know Usher sang about that shit, but he’s lost two wives and gained a few lawsuits. He may be an R&B legend (yes, in spite of picking up that damn glow stick in the 2010s), but that doesn’t mean he knows what he is talking about. I mean, yes, you can meet a man in the club, but there is a high probability that man will forget about you by the third bite of the post-club cheeseburger ’cause homeboy was potentially tipsy, horny, or taken. That or he simply brushed it off ‘cause it was the club.

All hope is not lost, though. Like, you may run into him again so you can speak to him in person and see what’s up. Or you can do one of the alternatives: give him the look of death like Nicki Minaj or look through him like Mariah Carey.

You can also shoot him a text yourself because with all due respect, while you both agreed that he would text you to set something up, if you really want to hang out with this guy, you should give it all you got. If he doesn’t respond or seems noncommittal, block his number or at least block him from your memory and move on to the next one.

I get it. You are reserved so this is not your usual thing, which means that type of rejection feels even more personal. It sucks, but sometimes people change their minds so you need to alter your mission. Continue to put yourself out there — you will soon find someone (if not multiple someones) who will be far more responsive — and when that happens, don’t be surprised if this dude you’re worried about hits you up. Ignore him when he does.

Signed,

Beloved!