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Dearly Beloved, I Want My Man To Make More Money

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader channels every single R&B and female rapper-led song about broke ass men. Well, technically the man in question makes well above the median income in the U.S., but for our boy here, that is not enough because he believes bae could be doing more if he had more ambition.

There is something to be said for maximizing one’s potential – particularly when it comes to earning potential – but the same can be said of having an unrealistic notion of how gay men should live based on Bravo programming, Instagram stunting, and people lying their asses off all across social media. Let’s see if we can help this dear reader find the balance. And if we can’t, join me in a virtual prayer circle that this young man finds a sugar daddy who may even send us a few dollars in our Cash App and Venmo accounts every now and again.

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

 

Dearly Beloved,

I don’t know for sure if my situation is quite as serious, but it is still quite annoying. I have met a very nice gentleman and he makes about $112,000 a year, but he could make more and it is extremely frustrating that he is not ambitious.  We definitely get along very well and have a great chemistry and I don’t want to do anything to damage something that is possibly unique.

If he would only work a little harder he and I could easily make almost $400,000 a year and have a very comfortable life, but I feel like I’m settling because he is just OK with so many standard things.  If I wasn’t gay I would be OK with being poor but part of the beauty of being gay is also being very wealthy but that only works when both of you are willing to do your fair share. What do you suggest I do?

Mr. Easy-to-Please

Dear Definitely Not Easy To Please,

Kudos to you for sending me a letter that immediately made me want to turn on the City Girls mixtape to hear a few of their songs about their disdain of men who don’t deserve to even smell the hem of their Fashion Nova garments because they don’t make enough money. One lyric that quickly came to mind was “I don’t want a broke nigga with good dick.”

Of course, you cannot say that out loud if you don’t have Jackson 5 nostrils in your lineage.

Moving right along, though, I have to say I think you have the game a bit twisted, beloved. Not all queer people are rich. Use your Googles. Not everyone is white and upwardly mobile as depicted in far too much trite Hollywood productions. So if you want to stunt on these hoes, I get it and you should go for it. It’s just not a gay thing so please don’t associate queerness with wealth at a time like this — that stereotype doesn’t help bring awareness to our collective plight. Yes, I need to shut my MSNBC watching, Atlantic reading ass the hell up with my seriousness now.

Let me be fair to you: we live in Trump’s America so yeah, everyone should stack your coins as much as possible to the best of your abilities. To that end, I will say there is something to be said about a man who lacks ambition. For me, it’s a good way to go flaccid so I fuck with on some level.

You should have a frank conversation about him. Don’t talk to that man the way you are writing me, but explain your position. If he doesn’t respond in kind, you are gonna have to Google sugar daddies or some shit and find the kind of man you need. I imagine you require tax forms and the like but those types got you.

Good luck and Cardi B’s “Money Bag” to you.

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the author of the forthcoming book I Can't Date Jesus from Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more.

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