In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, our dear reader wants to figure out if the co-worker that seemingly flirted with him has lost interest and if there’s anything he could do to win him back. Yes, we’re worried human resources is going to read this letter and cause problems, too. We don’t condone losing jobs in Trump’s America ‘cause you never know where this is all going to go, you know? Still, hold on, help is on the way (yes, you did hear Whitney Houston just now).
If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!
It’s a thing.
I have a coworker and it seems like he has a crush on me. It all started off when I noticed that he added my name to the internal instant message service we have at work.
At first I didn’t pay to much attention since it was quite normal to be added by coworkers, but after several months, I started to notice that every time I went to the restroom the guy showed up right away. He was always quiet, though, and since I am always concerned about the consequences of being accused of sexual harassment at work, I ignored him despite wondering what his intentions were. This situation happened more and more often until recently I decided to get in the bathroom stall and locked the door and less than a minute later he was in the stall next to mine.
While I was taking care of my business, I decided to look at the floor and that’s when I noticed that he was making sure that I was looking at what he was trying to show me. After this, he went outside to wash his hands and I did the same. As we washed our hands, he gave me this big smile and said “Hello.” I was in shock at the time and afraid of the kind of trouble I would get into since I was at work. After I finished washing the hands, I went to my desk and right away I received a pop up message from him introducing himself and asking if I was going out that weekend.
I replied saying I wasn’t going out and two weeks later I decided to send him an IM and he asked why did I take so long to contact him. We had a small chat but that was it. Another week went by and he didn’t contact me until I decided to do it again. I offered my phone number so we could chat over the weekend. He actually texted me for several hours the same day. We had a nice chat where he found out my age (I’m older by 16 years) and he asked for pictures (not nude) and he said I looked great and made him very excited.
That was the last time I have heard from him. There have been no texts to my phone, no IMs at work, and no following me to the restroom like before. So, my question is that after all the time he was chasing me and it seemed he liked me, is it possible that he has lost interest? Or is he waiting for me to chase him? Or maybe he believes that I am not interested?
I get the sense that you find this story ripe for a contemporary queer romantic comedy set in the workplace, but my immediate reaction was, “Oh, bitch. This is giving me the Larry Craig scandal of yore.” I don’t work in HR, but I do know optics, and even if this were to blossom into something, I am already envisioning your friends giving you all types of twisted looks for beginning your tale of a tryst with “I knew it was real when he tried to show me something as I was taking a shit.” And this is after noting he kept sliding into the restroom as soon as you stepped in.
I’m all about shooting your shot, but yuck, beloved.
In any event, I’m inclined to think he may have simply lost interest because he was making more of an effort than you. Or men are just trash. Either or.
Do you know how you can find out, though? Open your mouth. A wise skinny legend once sang “If it’s worth your while, say somethin’.” Why wouldn’t you listen to Mimi, lamb?
Invite him to coffee or lunch and ask. If you’re worried about rejection making it weird, recall that your courting involves urinating and/or defecation so it’s already fairly awkward. I think you still have a shot given all that, but not until you step up and speak up.
Good luck trapping, office thot. I’m totally kidding. Kinda.