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Dearly Beloved, I'm Fed Up

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader keeps it short and sweet: he’s over it. Although our frustrated reader kept his grievances nice and tight (we do prefer specifics here, but sometimes folks give all they have so we’re letting it slide today), he is going to get more than just a pat on the head and a paragraph. They need at least two and a half, right?

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

 

Dearly Beloved,

I’m so done with this world. I don’t wanna leave bed. I’m so sick of giving and not receiving. Everyone just seems to take take and take. I’ve had it.

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

I am usually a fan of brevity, but in this case, it did give me pause given your use of the phrase “I’m so done with this world.” Then I remembered that if matters were that severe, you would probably be calling someone instead. Pardon me, I’ve been around my mom and aunties lately so that extra lather of concern that only a well seasoned relative can offer rubbed off on me a little. Now if things are that bad, please call someone professional.

Okay, I just wanted to get that disclaimer out of the way. I assume that you’re really just tired of bitches and that is understandable because a lot of people suck. I know we are not supposed to say that, but nah, a lot of people are trash and have souls due for a fade delivered by the universe.

Let’s try to figure this out, though.

First and foremost, if you can afford to stay in bed a little and just be in your feelings, proceed. Turn on some sad bops and allow yourself a good wallow and body roll if the spirit moves you. I am a firm believer in letting folks feel how they feel (I hope you heard that in Quavo’s voice), but my only note is  to ask that you don’t sink into that feeling. This is the part where you cue Amel Larrieux’s “Get Up.” Again, I been hanging with my aunties so flip to the song, get inspired and let me have it.

Now, as far as giving and giving and not receiving: stop giving to those who don’t reciprocate. Unclear if you mean give in the romantic sense, but if so, if this person doesn’t fill your love tank (shout out to Vickie Gunvalson), get rid of them. If this is a friend, do the same thing only without the last round of hate sex.

Many of us have had these moments in which we feel used and that our goodwill isn’t returned. Sometimes it is real, in other cases it may be imagined. Regardless of where you land, the point is if that sentiment rings true to you in the moment, take a step back to reassess the people in your life — and make changes accordingly if need be.

I judge people by the following metric: do they make me happy like Beyoncé or piss me off like that punk ass president Sweet Potato Saddam? You are free to now use that model as you evaluate those around you. If you don’t like Beyoncé, well, I don’t know what to tell a Beytheist to make them happier because a life without loving Beyoncé is a recipe for eternal misery.

Buck up and good luck!

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the author of the forthcoming book I Can't Date Jesus from Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more.

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