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Dearly Beloved, I’m Still Thinking About My Ex

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, another European reader seeks the advice of Michael’s country ass. In this instance, our dear reader is trying to get over the very first dude he’s liked-liked and shit. We all have that first guy that had us deep in our feelings, but how long should you take to mourn the loss of a boo before detaching thyself from the memory in order to create new ones with someone new?

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

 

Dearly Beloved,

I’m an Italian guy, I’m 24 yo, and I came out just a year ago. I didn’t accept my sexuality so for me [it] has been very difficult to go through my adolescence. I’m still trying to be stronger day by day and to be who I am. Last month I met a guy, [and] for the first time, I had the chance to know someone normally. Probably I had the best weeks of my life. It was like a storm, strong and rich [with] emotions. Unfortunately, it ended [because] we were not right for each other. My question is how can I get over it? I mean [the] memories are still strong in me and every time that I look at our photographs I miss [those] moments where I was happy for the first time [in my life].

Pardon me, I know that my English isn’t good. Regards.

Giò

Dear Giò,

Don’t worry about your English, because as I explained to the Frenchman who couldn’t shake the feelings for a self-identified straight man last week, you still have a better command of English than America’s dumbass president, Bankruptcy Batista.

Moving right along, I could quote many a thot bop about how the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one, but since God herself has placed me in this situation to use my gay for good, I’ll be a lil’ realer with you first: I have never totally gotten over the first boy I ever dated.

Do I care about him to the point that I’m singing Ariana Grande in a puddle of my Slap Ya Mama seasoned tears? Absolutely not, but I have never completely shaken certain feelings. The feelings are reminiscent of those you speak of:  those good times, because when you finally reach a point in your life that you truly accept yourself and want to act upon those feelings, the first guy who gets to experience that about you will forever be special. So yes, it may always sting a bit.

You are too young to know this song, but go listen to Deborah Cox’s “Sentimental.”

Having said that, while I want you to have your feelings, I’d advise you not to linger in them. As in, have your sad moment, but let it just be a moment. At a certain point — and honestly, the sooner the better…like by the end of this sentence — you need to buck up and get back out there.

You’re 24, you have accepted who you are, and you know what you want. You also know that this guy, no matter how good he made you feel in the time, is not right for you and vice versa. It was an experience, and the best thing to do is to learn what you need to learn, and go create new ones.

To that end: GO BE A THOT, MY LIL’ ITALIAN E-HOMEBOY.

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the New York Times bestselling author of the newly released I Can't Date Jesus from 37 Ink/Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more. Follow him on Twitter.