In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader keeps it short and sweet: his boyfriend’s wife is getting in the way of his time with bae. Yes, that sounds awkward, and of course, at this point everyone should have Monica’s “Sideline Ho” in their heads. Now, we’re not going to be judgmental – well, besides calling the reader a sideline ho – but hey, life happens, and for some folks, that includes sometimes becoming a side piece. Many of us have been there; some of us are still there.
Even so, when you’re dealing with a partner that technically belongs to someone else, there are certain risks you take, and ultimately, you need someone to hand you seven shots of truth serum. For our dear reader, it’s about that time for a reality check.
If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!
It’s a thing.
I have been seeing this married guy for almost 3 years! Everything was good until his wife found out he was having an affair (not sure if she knows it’s me). Until then he was staying over 2 – 3 nights a week and spending the day with me on a Sunday. Then the curfews came out and she is monitoring every move of his like a hawk.
I am desperately unhappy right now.
He refuses to let me go.
What should I do?
(I have told you a very brief version of the situation.)
So, despite you giving me an abbreviated version of what sounds like a complicated matter, it doesn’t take much to conclude that you have been living by the following legendary thot line from Coko from SWV: “I know that you’re somebody else’s guy, but these feelings that I have for you I can’t deny. She doesn’t treat you the way you want her to, so c’mon stop fronting, I wanna get with you.”
And based on the fact your boyfriend’s wife doesn’t know her husband is smashing you, a man, this also recalls Peggy Scott’s “Bill.” You would probably have to ask a Black auntie over the age of 50 or at least someone with the same playlists to know about this song, but wait for it: “I was ready for Mary, Susan, Helen and Jane when all the time it was Bill who was sleeping with my man.”
You are Bill, bitch.
Listen, I’ve dated a man with a boyfriend, and while I knew it was wrong, I did it anyway, so on some level, I feel you. However, that shit came back to bite me in the ass, and while you might be into that kind of thing, this is going to end badly for you all the same. For one, if you have been dating this man for three years while he has had a whole wife, it doesn’t sound like there is a chance for him to miraculously leave his wife. Two, if the wife is aware that he’s been laying it low and spreading it wide, one imagines she is trying to track down exactly who the other person is.
At this point, it doesn’t sound like there are going to be anymore sleepovers for the foreseeable future. As you’ve explained yourself, your married boyfriend’s wife has tied a lovely leash around his neck. If you are anticipating that leash will be loosened…spoiler: it’s not happening. It’s only going to get worse from here on out.
He may not want to let you go, but his concerns are not the priority. You are unhappy so some changes have to be made. Stop breaking him off and break it off. Let him deal with his wife. Find yourself a man who is available and pray to every pop legend of the last 30 years that he doesn’t cheat on you the way your current boyfriend cheated on his wife.
You like to keep things brief, so let me say in sum: run, bitch, run.