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Dearly Beloved, The Thots Won’t Let Me Leave The Club

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader is tired of his potential boo thangs limiting dating options to the club. You see, he works at the club, which means going to the club for him is work. So, why are the snacks only trying to see him in his work element? How can he make people accept that he’s not only trying to meet men in such a setting?

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

 

Dearly Beloved,

I’m always working. Clubs, bars, events, etc. I work in nightlife and my job as a socialite requires me to help others have fun and make the night memorable. When meeting men in a club or bar setting (while I’m working), we talk, we flirt sometimes and we trade numbers. But all they wanna do is go and grab a drink or go to a club. They don’t understand that I don’t see a club or bar as fun and that it is the equivalent of going to your job on a your day off. What do you suggest I do or what kind of activities should I recommend especially if I want to have a date not a drinking buddy?

Sincerely,

Ace of Clubs

Dear Ace of Clubs,

Let me start off by thanking you for giving me hope that when these social butterfly baes at the club are flirting back with me, they’re not necessarily only doing it because they’re cashing a check. I recall once proposing marriage to a bartender with a ring pop, and while he didn’t accept the invitation, he accepted my friendship request on Facebook so I wasn’t sure whether to still believe in love. Again, thank you.

As for your dilemma, this might have to do with the unfortunate reality that because you met them in the club setting, some folks might have a limited perception of you. It sucks, but fret not because you can easily make it clear to any potential man that you are a bird of multiple colors. It doesn’t sound like a compliment, but believe me, peacock, it is. This is relatively easy, but simply explain yourself as you did here and offer suggestions.

I know some people think dinner is boring, but as far as a first date goes, I still like it the most in terms of generating conversation and genuinely getting to know someone. However, there are other options. I have had really nice dates at the museum. Granted, I’d rather be talking about The Real Housewives of Somewhere than the fall of the republic, but it’s cool to get culture that doesn’t involve Migos.

There’s also the park, if you’re into nature and shit. The same goes for the zoo, although it could get political if you’re dealing with someone who shares PETA’s belief that Aretha Franklin should donate her furs. I don’t really love the movies as a first date option, but if you do an outdoor situation, that’s slightly better. Now if you are adventurous, recently a quasi-friend told me he did rock climbing as a date. Of course he is one of those fitness IG gays which explained a lot. That said, at least you get to look at his butt without it being creepy. I’m kidding! Oh yeah, I’ve seen folks do yoga or cycling or some other healthy shit that I’m never doing, but you get the idea.

But no, this shouldn’t be difficult. You want a break from the club. Make that clear. Do whatever it is that is fun to you. Rinse, repeat. Good luck.

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the New York Times bestselling author of the newly released I Can't Date Jesus from 37 Ink/Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more. Follow him on Twitter.