alt

you
Dearly Beloved, What Do I Do About This 'Sex Dog'?

In this week’s Dearly Beloved, the advice column from author Michael Arceneaux, a reader has a crush on a guy but can’t seem to make an approach. Why? Because the guy apparently has the capacity to be so nasty, so rude, and our dear reader is worried he’s going to try to shoot his shot and end up with his head chopped off. Words cut deep, but not that deep. When will folks learn to exhale, shoop shoop and take the risk?

If you want Michael’s advice, just email him at [email protected] with your question. Just be sure to include SPECIFICS, and don’t forget to start your letter with Dearly Beloved!

It’s a thing.

 

Dearly Beloved,

A guy I like used to be interested in my best friend…who is a girl. She rejected him and is OK with me liking him. Once, he was with a bunch of friends at a club [and] I wasn’t able to approach him or say anything. Later I found his profile on Grindr, but got so nervous that I couldn’t write down a damn single thing.

Gossip tells me that he is not a really nice person or interesting at all —  just a sex dog, but I can’t help but like him. I know that his work is organizing parties and events at clubs — so he has “those kind of friends…”

I want to take the risk, but I’m afraid if I talk to him, he may respond with a gross response. Is this pretending hetero-gay worth it?  Or are my hormones playing a dirty game against me?

Best,

Muted Guy

Dear Muted Guy,

How can so few words contain so much? So, you’re interested in a man that once approached your best homegirl? And said homegirl, who rejected him, has no qualms about you trying to get at him? This sounds wonderfully progressive until you get to the part of your letter in which you refer to him as “pretending hetero-gay.”

Now, now, now: I know some folks do indeed lie to themselves, but we need to make space for bisexual men. They do indeed exist, so if you’re interested in someone who fits the bill, you best watch yourself. After all, the intention here is to get him to like you. That is, once you finally decide to open your mouth.

A wise fictitious stripper and sex worker once said, in a movie starring Jamie Foxx and LisaRaye: “Closed mouths don’t get fed.”

If I’m getting this right, you don’t find him to be a nice person, but you heard he was a thot so you remain interested? And by interested, I mean, you want to smash him, as evidenced by you wondering if your hormones are playing tricks on you. No, you just want the guy but are scared he’s going to be mean to you.

Rejection sucks, but you’ll never get to suck anything if you don’t bother to at least try. Maybe he is an asshole and perhaps you will shoot your shot and he rejects you in the bitchiest way possible. Or he may be the sweetest guy in the world, but will politely decline your advances. He could also be nice as shit and be just as interested in you. Oh wait, he could be nice yet still not see it for you.

It could be anything, but again, you’ll never know if you don’t just get on with it already and hit him up. If he’s mean to you, I’m sorry, but it will not be the end of the world. You can just pretend he doesn’t exist whenever you see him out. We all do it. It’s fine.  

Signed,

Beloved!


Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux writes the “Dearly Beloved” advice column at INTO. He is the New York Times bestselling author of the newly released I Can't Date Jesus from 37 Ink/Atria Books/Simon & Schuster. His work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Essence, The Guardian, Mic, and more. Follow him on Twitter.