I remember years ago when Kevin Hart made that statement about not wanting to have a gay son, how that was one of his greatest fears and that if he could do something to stop it from happening then he would.
This statement, unfortunately, is one that I’ve heard many men and women say when discussing parenthood, and what they want from the children they have, as if that’s how having a child works.
And we’ve heard the excuses. How being gay tears down the image of the Black man, or how folk don’t want their kids to go through additional oppression, which on the surface might make sense to some, but at the end of the day is just a cover for homophobia.
If your main concern is about the oppression your child would face, then why would you as a Black person have a child at all? Cause bay-bee, let me tell you something — Black oppression ain’t going nowhere no time soon, especially for Black children. So, the decision to bring any Black child into this anti-Black world should be where the oppression monitoring begins and ends. Anything else that you are hoping for outside of that just makes you homophobic, transphobic, ableist, sexist, or whatever other discrimination it is you don’t want to have in your child.
Recently during an interview with the Breakfast Club — a show that should’ve been canceled with Roseanne and coconut desserts (coconut belongs in the trash) — Young Miami of City Girls made similar statements regarding having a gay child, but took it a step further. “I was just talking about my son. I just said that if I saw anything gay in my son, that I would beat him.” She then followed that up with “But that’s just like when your mama be like, ‘If you break my table I’m gonna beat the shit out of you.’ That don’t mean she’s gonna beat the shit out of you, she’s just saying it. I don’t have nothing against gay people, but I wouldn’t want my son to be gay just being a mother.”
You have to be a special kind of human to think that beating a child is ever the answer. But if you think that you are going to “beat” the gay out of someone then I have some bad news for you. You can’t beat out what a person innately is. And even if being gay was your child’s choice, it should still be respected and protected. And this whole “I’m not homophobic but” bit that everyone does before saying some extremely homophobic shit is late. Your not wanting a gay son while having a HUGE gay fan base speaks more to the terrible person you are then the potentially amazing person your child could become living in a home with proper support.
Luckily for me, I don’t have to cancel anything that I never subscribed to, but I will for damn sure be running my mouth that the rest of these gays that gave you a platform withdraw funds immediately.
To all the people who don’t want a gay child, here is something that I don’t want from you — for YOU to ever have ANY children. Let’s be clear on something about the things that you wish for when you have a baby: You don’t have any control over that. So, if you are going to be wishing and hoping and praying for this “perfect” child, I also hope you are doing the same that you will be blessed with the moral fabric of a decent human that can give love unconditionally.
Now that I’ve gotten that out, let’s really talk about what is stake when we continue to harm marginalized communities in this way. Because honestly, where does it stop? I don’t want a baby with nappy hair, or autism, or dark skin, or etc. And I get how conditioning can easily make a person reconsider what is important and make having a baby all about self. The wants and desires that you want to see that make you feel better. The ability to live vicariously through your child’s accomplishments. We have all seen this happen. But it still doesn’t make it right.
Black boys are dying. Black boys are committing suicide at much higher rates than their white counterparts. We have to stop this nonsense of not allowing Black boys to be their full authentic selves. Homophobia has no place in our community, and if you truly want to see our people be free, then it starts with not being divisive over sexuality and gender identity. It starts with us breaking this conditioning that taught us to hate our own in this way. It starts with the understanding that when you are bringing a child in this world, your job is to nurture the person THEY are. Not transform them into what you think they should be.
Suffice to say, if you are concerned about having a gay child, then you likely aren’t ready for children. So, spend some time working on yourself. Cause straight people are going to continue having gay children, and there ain’t nothing anyone can do to change that.