October is the time to collectively slow our rolls. Venus in retrograde this month (from October 5th – November 16th) means relationships are up for review. Missing an ex-lover? It could be the right time to reconnect. Still mad at an ex-friend? Now might be the time for some closure. Unsure where you’re headed in your current relationship? Reassessing what you want and what’s changed since last year can be hella fruitful right now. It’s less advisable to make major relationship decisions (moving in together, their name tattooed on your knuckles, etc.) during this time. Venus in Scorpio can be a little extra brutal, so make sure you fight cleanly if you have grievances to air, and expect some fierce sparks if you reconnect with someone you’ve been wanting back in your life.
It’s almost a cliché that you can feel trapped in committed relationships, but it’s not that you don’t want love—you just can’t be happy in any relationship that’s gotten stale and boring. Use Venus retrograde as a time to reclaim your own desires and sense of adventure—ideally without breaking any hearts. It doesn’t have to be either/or; you’re looking for the kind of love that will stand by you as you change and learn and grow.
Some call it stubbornness, some call it pride, those who love you most call it strength and perseverance—whatever you want to call it, you have the ability to keep going on the path you’ve chosen for a long, long time. When months like this come along, where there’s the pressure to reassess your decisions, it can threaten your entire sense of self. Never fear; what you’re learning right now is worth knowing, and you can act on it as slowly as you need to.
Oh darling, you’ve got so much sparkle to bring to the party but this month strands you at home, cleaning up while everyone else hits the clubs. It’s not the worst fate, though. You may even be grateful for some time to tend to yourself, tend to your own life, and get your affairs in order. Your future is still full of bright possibilities; you just need to spend some time sorting through the messes of reality first. Once you have, you’ll be making better choices than you ever have about who’s worth your time.
You can get it right now, and the question is only—should you? You’re giving off luscious and sultry vibes, but what you want from the world is both excitement and security at the same time. Practice asking for exactly what you want, even if it seems petulant or contradictory. Practice listening to exactly what someone has to offer, especially if they use the phrases, “you deserve better” (you do) or “I’m not sure what I want” (you don’t have to solve that for them). Choose wisely. Take your time. Bestow your graces only when you feel that enthusiastic “YES” and not a tepid “maybe.”
Sometimes we need to sit out an inning, or even a whole game. There’s no shame in letting an injury heal, and this is a month when you have a beautiful opportunity to heal something that’s hurt you for a long time. Whether it’s from your family, your adolescence, an old relationship, or just the current state of the world, your mission right now is to let that pain move through you and let it go. I know it’s not the sexiest assignment, but believe me that when you learn this skill you’re also learning how to connect to a lover from a place of courageous, honest intimacy that is hotter than any bravado.
We’re all shaped by our environments, and you may find yourself looking around right now and wondering: Who the hell chose those curtains? Who chose this music? Who are all these people, anyway? You may get nostalgic for days of yore when your friends seemed cooler, your haircut hipper, your taste in books more cutting edge—but really, what’s happening is you’re noticing how you’ve been growing away from the past. The answer isn’t to return to a past version of your life, it’s to think more clearly about the present moment. What can you change in your environment now to help you feel more aligned with who you’re trying to become? Who do you know who can help you hold this vision?
This is your time to shine, but even as you’ve got that extra sparkle in your eye you’re also navigating a tricky time. You want to go full steam ahead, but you may get pulled up short by fears about trust. If you can face these anxieties and work through them, this month will help you grow by leaps and bounds. Remember that you’re stronger than you think, and that you are loved far more than you realize. Focus on what you have when you’re afraid of what you might be missing.
You are probably well aware of the times you’ve lost your power to a relationship—if you become obsessed with pleasing someone, or take on their opinions as your own. Even anger or jealousy are ways of giving away your power, as you get fixated on making someone else as unhappy as you are—or at least want them to understand you and apologize. Both these states leave you unable to connect with what is most miraculous and beautiful in your own life. Getting stuck in them is tragic for you, most of all. This month offers you the chance to get majorly unstuck from anything you’ve been holding onto as a hope or a grudge. Reclaim your right to be happy, to be self-directed, and to live the life of your dreams.
This month is all about the difference between fantasy and reality. Sometimes our fantasies help us understand what’s missing in our real lives that we need to go find; sometimes they just help us handle the constant dissatisfaction of being an imperfect human and dating other imperfect humans. Fantasies will give you important data right now, so let your mind drift when you can. What are you longing for? What does that tell you about what you don’t have? Are your fantasies blocking you from seeing what you do have? Find a way to enjoy the life you’re in while you figure out where you’d like to be next.
If you’ve lost your inspiration in life, this month is bending over backwards to help you retrace your steps and go find it again. When did you last feel optimistic? Expansive? Excited about being part of something much larger than yourself? Connected to someone who made you feel like you wanted to be a better person for them? Those connections are still there, if you take the time to look for them.
You’re on a roll right now, and while you’re busy crushing it the last thing you want is to stop and reassess your purpose in life and what it’s all for. Nevertheless. Something’s calling to you from the past right now and asking exactly that question. Notice what relationships help you pause and reflect on this situation, and which ones demand that you merely keep being impressive. Don’t waste your time on the ones that can’t give you some room to reflect and experiment. What you come up with afterwards will be worth it.
It’s time to get centered, get grounded, and get serious about something really big that you want to do. Those first two steps are vitally important, though. Without them, you’re liable to just keep dreaming about it. This might mean needing a little more time alone than usual—at the very least, protect yourself from too much time with people who need you to listen to them but never listen, who want you to be like them, who don’t know what it means to stop and pay attention to your non-verbal cues. They may be charming, sexy, persuasive, exciting people—but they’re not doing you any favors right now. Make room for the ones who can support your vision, and begin by believing in yourself.