That said, trans guys looking to hook up on Grindr are vulnerable to a lot of absolute chicanery: from transphobes to chasers to general a**holes, there are more than a few sharks in Grindr’s dark, terrifying waters. But there are a few ways to stay safe as a transmasc while enjoying all that Grindr has to offer. And thankfully, a helpful Reddit thread has broken it down for us.
Above All, Stay Safe
Grindr has created a few crucial safety tips for all users of the platform: when it comes to sharing intimacy, location, and identity, you can’t be too careful. Don’t share any information you wouldn’t want floating around in screenshot form, which goes for pretty much every app and online platform.
If there’s one thing we know as trans guys, it’s that you absolutely can never rely on people to be perceptive, sensitive, or even baseline intelligent. If you have boundaries, be upfront about them. If you have specific needs and/or health concerns, be clear about them. Basically, you never want to be in a situation where you think you’re on the same page sexually and it turns out not to be the case.
“Personally, I’ve learned to approach hookups with a straightforward mindset,” one Reddit user advised. “For lots of guys there’s no need to have long conversation, meeting up for dinner, any of that. If you’ve already negotiated what everyone wanted before meeting up then you can forgo dating protocol – that took some adjusting for myself. If you do want to go for coffee or drinks to gauge the guy in person, that’s perfectly acceptable! Just be clear about that when messaging.”
Listen, it’s Grindr. It’s like any other dating app, which means you’ll have people who say they want to meet up and then immediately cancel your plans, often 5 minutes before the aforementioned hang. Don’t take it personally, and don’t expect too much.
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“I just had three different guys flake on me three days in a row after we’d exchanged pics and agreed to meet,” wrote one Reddit user. “Two of them messaged me on the day itself to say they weren’t able to make it. One of them didn’t reply morning of, so I knew it wasn’t going to happen. It’s disappointing, but you’ll find people out there to f*ck as long as you keep going.”
Wise words indeed.
Expect Some Really Out of Pocket Statements (and Questions)
Obviously if you’re trans and you’ve been on the apps, you already know. People are going to come at you with all kinds of wild, dumb, offensive questions. Feel free to not answer any of these questions and just keep on going about your business. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or a detailed recounting of your medical procedures.
Block, Block, Block
Fetishization happens. Chasers happen. You do not owe these people a response, nor do you owe them your time or courtesy. Feel free to block and report, folks.
Put Yourself First
Grindr, ideally, should be about pleasure. It shouldn’t have to be an agonizing space where you have to constantly defend yourself from chasers, creeps, and jerks. So if you’re messaging someone and you get a bad vibe or you’re just not feeling it, end the conversation and move on. There’s no reason to feel bad or guilty. It’s Grindr! Sh*t happens. The important thing to prioritize here is yourself, your needs, your pleasure, and most importantly, your safety.
Happy swiping, lads.