Ocean van Exel’s online presence is full of queer joy and queer fashion. The 25-year-old Dutch and Surinamese model and influencer shows and celebrates her queerness wherever she goes (even earning her a stamp of approval from Reneé Rapp). With her bold style and self-described “older sister” energy, her platform aims to provide a safe, inspiring place for femme lesbians. INTO sat down with van Exel to discuss fashion, coming out, and the queer community in New York City.
Hi, Ocean! What was your path to get into modeling and social media?
For modeling, I got scouted on Instagram when I was 18. It’s something I always wanted to do. I got signed in Miami. I was there for three years. I did LA for a year and now I’m doing the New York market. As far as social media, it just fell into my lap. I started posting on TikTok just having fun doing dancing videos. At some point I started doing lesbian, queer content, and I loved it. On social media, I didn’t see that representation I was looking for. I would always see masculine lesbians, but not feminine lesbians. That’s a big reason I do my content — to bring that into the space — because I don’t think there’s enough visibility on it. I’ve always been into fashion. Now I’m finding my ways of blending the world of fashion and queerness together.
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From Vogue earrings to a coin purse top, your style is very fun. What are your style influences? How would you describe your style?
I dress feminine-masculine. I love intertwining the two into my style. I love adding an “Ocean accessory.” I always say, “How do I Ocean-ify my outfit?” I love adding something that can be a conversation starter. For style influences: Zoë Kravitz, Zendaya. I take so much inspiration from drag culture. RuPaul’s Drag Race. They have no limits and just go beyond. Their looks be hitting. So much of our fashion comes from drag. I get so much inspiration walking in the streets of New York. My style really developed here. People are dressing however they want. I was at a lesbian bar and I saw someone with those propeller hats. I was like, “Yes, that’s fire.” Stuff like that is constantly inspiring how I want to show up.
“I’ve always been into fashion. Now I’m finding my ways of blending the world of fashion and queerness together.”
– Ocean van Exel
You recently did your own styling for a photoshoot that explored how gender plays into fashion. What was that like?
That was my first project I ever creatively directed. I have a lot of ideas, but I never actually do them. This was the first time I was like, “I really love this idea and this concept.” I was thinking of my identity and how I could represent that in a shoot — something that feels like an ode to me, to where I’ve grown, to where I’m at right now. I was thinking about the things that make me. A big theme within that is, “I love breaking rules.” I love pushing boundaries and seeing how far you can take it to make people think. I love wearing a suit. It makes me feel so powerful, but at the same time, I’m a girlie. At the same time, I still feel like a princess. Even when I’m in my most feminine, wearing a dress or something, I still love hardcore activities. I love boxing. I love to run. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty, even in my most feminine. I love that duality. It’s a surprise factor. I didn’t even care about the outcome. It was really for me. That moment pushed me into trusting myself in my creative ventures. When you do what you believe in, other people see the same. That was the first time I felt seen by my audience.
What did your journey of coming out look like?
At some point I started realizing these feelings. I might not understand it, but I’m feeling something. I was getting a lot of queer content on my phone. Maybe the universe was like, “Girl, start thinking.” In high school, there was a girl. We started hanging out a lot. My mom one day pulled me into her room and was like, “Do you like her?” and I was like, “Yeah.” And she was like, “That’s okay.” I’m very grateful that my mom always grew me and my brother up like, “It doesn’t matter. You can be gay. Whatever you wanna be, I will support you.”
I was very grateful that I felt safe coming out. I never felt uncomfortable. I was just done with not allowing myself to feel what I actually want to feel. Once I owned it and accepted it, I was able to bring it everywhere with me. I want to be able to help people in living their best queer, lesbian life. Everyone deserves that. That’s why I’m so loud and open about it. Because everyone deserves to live their life exactly how they want.
“I want to be able to help people in living their best queer, lesbian life. Everyone deserves that.”
– Ocean van Exel
You’re currently in a sapphic relationship. What does that mean to you? What impact does it have on your life?
Loving a woman is so special. It’s that level of understanding without having to talk about it, or the care that goes into a relationship and helping each other. This is the first time I feel like I’m being seen, cared for, and actually understood. There’s so much depth. I always feel safe. I always feel like Kennedy — that’s my partner’s name — would always have my back, no matter what.
It’s beautiful to be outside of the patriarchy. It gives you a different perspective on life. I don’t think it’s something you can understand unless you’re queer or lesbian. You get this outlook of life that is so rich because you don’t see the gender roles. You don’t see the boundaries. You don’t see the things the world is trying to place on you. It’s beautiful to share that and have that same perspective. There is so much complexity in the way the world sees us, but everything feels so simple together. Anything can come our way and we’re gonna move past it. I know that with full trust.
A lot of your content focuses around queer joy. How does queer joy show up in your own life?
A lot of the joy stems from the community. It could be little things like going to a lesbian bar and feeling safe because there’s no men around. When a man does come in, everyone’s in unison. We all know, “Okay, let’s clock it. They can be here, but let’s make sure things are good.”
Another moment was when Trump got re-elected. Me and my girlfriend were obviously down. We were walking hand in hand, and we saw this older lesbian couple — gray hair, older, both beautiful Black women. We both see each other holding hands. They walked past us and they gave us a look of, “It’s going to be okay.” No words were said. It’s reminding each other of our strength and our community. The lesbian community specifically — we’re so strong. There’s so much we fought for. We know how to show up. It’s so beautiful to experience that with your community.
“The lesbian community specifically — we’re so strong. There’s so much we fought for. We know how to show up.”
– Ocean van Exel
What was it like transitioning from LA to New York? How was the queer scene different?
In LA, the gay things that exist are catered towards white men. There is so much queer history in New York. Being able to see Stonewall where Pride literally started — I walk by it so much, but every time, it grounds me. It’s like, “Girl, you cannot forget what happened here and what this means. Continue spreading the joy, embracing who you are.” Being surrounded by so many iconic places, like Cubbyhole and Henrietta Hudson — two historic gay bars that have been in the city for so long. I’m friends with the people that work at these places and they’re so kind. There’s this bar in Bushwick called The Bush. The name alone — funny. Only a lesbian can think of that: The Bush in Bushwick. That one caters more towards BIPOC lesbians, which I appreciate because that was something that was lacking in our community. The queer scene here is very small, though. Once you know everyone, you know everyone. When I go out, I know I’m gonna see someone that I know. It makes us have to show up for each other. We know we only have each other.
Also, New York Pride? Way better than LA Pride. New York Pride is insane. Even in Stonewall, it’s the one place I find older queers. Every time I’m there, I have a conversation with an older queer person. They always tell me something with such enlightenment. Me and my girlfriend went last summer. There was a guy telling us he was a photographer during the Pride riots. Hearing stories makes you feel even more empowered to celebrate what you are, who you are, because of what these people have had to endure. They were still trying to be happy while they were doing these things. They’re still expressing their joy, their love, without violence. The center of it is just love.
What’s next for you?
I am in the process of starting a fashion brand. I want to tie in lesbianism at the root of it. I love our shirts. When we see people and we’re like, “I can tell you’re flagging.” I want my clothes to feel that way. We’re out here, but not getting the same visibility that other people, other men are getting. Especially in fashion, it’s dominated by men. And just continuing to do my thing, being a big sister to my femme girlies, to lesbians — showing that you can be a lesbian and do anything else you want in this life.
Anything else you want to mention?
If you’re a lesbian, keep doing what you’re doing. Show up loud and proud. Do your thing. ♦
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