Absolute and total goddess Sabrina Carpenter has single-handedly blessed the planet, saved the whales, and reversed global warming with her Short n’ Sweet tour, but wouldn’t you know it, conservatives still aren’t happy. And why? Because she’s expressing her sexuality, of course! And that’s only acceptable to conservatives when elderly men do it!
When Carpenter—who’s made waves with her femme-forward, strictly for-the-girls tour—went the extra mile recently during a raunchy performance of her song “Juno,” hypocrites were quick to jump on the anti-Sabrina bandwagon. Because God forbid a woman pretend to deep-throat a microphone! Even though Trump literally did the same exact thing a few weeks ago, and when he did it there were zero complaints.
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Yet another strange rogue move from the weirdest, grossest man on Earth
Shortly before being elected and after dancing to music for 45 minutes at a rally, Trump managed to simulate fellatio with his own microphone, and of course we heard nary a peep about it from the people who are claiming Sabrina Carpenter needs to cool it with the sex positivity. The message is clear: it’s only sex positive when a man does it.
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To which the Internet is, quite rightly, called bullsh*t.
It’s almost like the people complaining have never listened to Short n’ Sweet and don’t know that the album’s prevailing theme is straight girl horniness. “Have they not heard the lyrics to her songs?” one commenter asked. Apparently not, and they clearly haven’t heard about “Juno,” the song that has Carpenter trying new positions every night.
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Say hello to Strap-brina.
“I grew up listening to “my neck, my back…” . We’re so unbothered. IDC,” wrote one commenter, referencing the iconic Khia song.
We also haven’t forgotten Trina’s exquisitely raunchy “B R Right” and Ludacris’s “Splash Waterfalls,” both of which displayed peak levels of horniness. The precedent for sex-forward pop was set long ago, and Carpenter is just putting her own spin on it.
But leave it to puritanical idiots to completely miss the point.
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