Give us the goss

These bogus celebrity auction posts are getting hilariously out of hand

As Hollywood continues to reckon with its ongoing labor crisis, actors and writers are finding themselves struggling to make ends meet. It’s not easy fighting for fair pay, especially when you’re up against billionaires with multiple yachts, but the actors and writers who make the shows and films we love are determined to break the cycle of low pay, bad working environments, and pathetic residuals from streaming services.

That’s why A-list actors are stepping up to the plate: Hollywood luminaries like Natasha Lyonne, John Lithgow, and Parker Posey are offering their unique services to the highest bidder in order to raise funds for industry crew workers to access healthcare as the strike continues.

While many of these offers are already delightfully silly (Lyonne is offering a 15-minute ‘existential conversation’, Lena Dunham is proposing painting a mural in a bidder’s home) they’re getting even sillier online, where meme artistes are already hard at work creating fake offers of what the gays really want, from Kate Winslet’s gay Hollywood secrets to an offer from Patti LuPone to scream at you and throw things. I mean, that’s basically gay baptism.

Speaking of screaming, LuPone isn’t the only one who can play that game…

What would the gays give to learn what really happened behind the scenes of the camp classic series “The Good Wife”?

Obviously what the gays want is drama, tea, and shade, and if only it was actually being offered. We could feed the writers, camera crews, and actors for years!

I mean, what wouldn’t we give for this bit of goss…

Or this?

What about creator of transgender cinema David Cronenberg?

Or our favorite weirdo from “Succession?”

Or this guy!

I guess for now we’ll just have to save our coins, until the real thing comes along.

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