Out And About

The gays are asking: How do you come out to a straight guy?

Coming out as queer is no easy process, and it’s different from person to person. Coming out to family is one thing. Coming out to friends is another. Coming out to straight men? An Olympic level feat.

That’s why one bisexual man took to Reddit to ask for some advice from other queer folks: “How did y’all get the courage to tell your straight male friend you were bi or gay?”

“For the past 6 months I’ve been experimenting with guys. I finally accepted and embraced that I like men as well,” the 24-year-old wrote in his post. “I’m still scared to tell my straight male best friends. I feel like they would accept it but you never know.” 

“I’ve told my few female close friends I was bi as they usually are way more accepting and they accepted me for who I am,” he continued. “I’m just nervous ‘cause I want my boys to still be my boys and not see [me] different but I also want to be honest with them. I’m kinda stuck.”

The gays were quick to swoop in and assure the poster that everything would be alright and share their own stories.

One replier wrote that he came out to his straight male friends mostly via text message.

“Literally no one cared. I was more awkward about it than they were,” he wrote. “I told one of my friends while we were on a camping trip together. He cared so little that we still slept in the same tent.”

“People care less than you think, especially if they’re already your friends,” he continued. “Be prepared for a lot of ‘I can’t believe you didn’t think you could tell me’ comments.”

Other users suggested testing the waters by bringing up gay people and judging his friends’ reactions, or to come out casually by mentioning his experiences rather than having a dedicated coming-out conversation.

Above all, everyone told the original poster not to worry, and that ultimately, even straight guys are generally cool with gay people these days.

“They accepted it really well and even tried to set me up once with someone,” one commenter wrote about his experience. “The funny thing is, I don’t have much experience with guys, but they still keep asking a lot of questions, they tease me more and want to know with who from them I would hook up [with]. Besides that, nothing else has changed.”

The story has a happy ending. The original poster shared in an update that he’d come out to his best friend over the phone.

“I bit the bullet and just called him. We spoke for about 30 minutes and [the] first thing he said was ‘I still love ya and nothing gonna change. Still got your back through it all man thank you for telling me,’” he wrote. “We both agreed I was overthinking it haha but he still sees me the same which is great.”

So, how do you come out to a straight guy? The same way you would to anyone else: with an understanding that if they love you, your sexuality shouldn’t make a difference to your friendship.

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