Muscled Up

The gays are screaming over this wood-chopping TikTok muscle daddy

The human body is an incredible thing. Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “wow, I didn’t know muscles COULD get that big!” Same, bestie. Same.

It thrills me to inform you, fellow person who has never set foot in a gym since COVID, that there are people out there who not only work out, but excel at the art of pumping up those guns. Case in point: everyone’s latest TikTok fave, an account by the name of @Luke_The_Hulk. True to his name, Luke is a man who takes his workouts very seriously. In a few recent videos, he treated us to the sight of him chopping wood, huge muscles bulging, white tank rippling, thick thighs thick-thighing.

Obviously this was enough to cause a sensation everywhere, but especially on one Reddit forum. Amidst users commenting on the fact that Luke the Hulk is using a hilariously tiny axe to split wet wood, others were noticing something entirely different about the video.

“There’s something uncanny about this dude,” one redditor wrote, “almost like his muscle are fake like that spongebob episode lol.”

If you’re not sure what this poster is referring to, allow me to enlighten you: in a Season 1 episode of Spongebob Squarepants, aptly titled “MuscleBob Buffpants,” our famously not-buff hero buys inflatable muscles to impress his crush. It backfires, of course—and what could be more relatable?

But all jokes aside, it begs the question posed so artfully by Olly Alexander when he warbled on Night Call: “whatcha gonna do with all that muscle?”

Not chop wood properly, apparently.

“That amount of muscle is not some people’s cup of tea, and that’s ok,” wrote one Redditor. “That being said, throw me down the stairs and break me in half please and thank you.”

To which another poster replied: “Just hope he’s better at splitting you open than that log.”

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