The way we approach romance varies from person to person. Some might feel very sexual and romantic while others might not harbor these feelings at all. A demiromantic person is someone who can only have romantic feelings for someone they have a strong emotional connection to.
A demiromantic person can identify with any gender identity and any sexuality, the only thing consistent is the way they approach romance and relationships.
In this article, we’ll investigate what makes someone demiromantic, how to navigate this identity, and how we can bring awareness and visibility to the demiromantic community.
Who is demiromantic?
The key part to being demiromantic is only developing romantic feelings for someone once you have developed a strong emotional bond. The term is often wrongly used interchangeably with demisexuality. Demisexual individuals can have romantic feelings for others, but only sexual feelings when they are extremely emotionally connected with their partners, on the other hand, demiromantisim refers to romantic feelings which develop after that bond.
The timeline in which it takes for an individual to feel like a strong bond varies from person to person. A “strong bond” cannot be defined by time, for example, some demiromantic people might find that their emotional connection was built after a week with their partner while others might take years. This experience is subjective to each person.
Because this identity is a part of the aromantic spectrum there are a lot of misconceptions. A demiromantic person might enjoy having sex or physical touch with people despite not feeling romantic feelings for someone. In the same vein, demiromantic people can be in relationships. Although the idea of Tinder or blind dates might not be ideal for demiromantic people, they can still form strong relationships whether that takes years of friendship with someone or getting to know someone deeply before feeling romantic.
The aromantic spectrum
If you identify as demiromantic you fall under the aromantic spectrum. It is important to understand what that means. The aromantic spectrum refers to those who feel little romantic attraction or who only feel that way in certain circumstances. That means romance is conditional or rarely experienced for these orientations.
Demiromantisim falls on the conditional part of this spectrum which means they still can develop feelings of romance if the situation is right. The emotional bond with a partner is of utter importance to demiromantic individuals.
Some abrosexual people might fluctuate between two sexual identities while another might fluctuate between five.
Members of the aromantic community are very united. Many aromantic individuals wear a white ring on the middle finger of their left hand to signal to others that they are a part of the community. If you’re demiromantic, welcome to the close-knit aromantic community!
Where does the word “demiromantic” come from?
The word demiromantic is made up of the prefix “demi-” which comes from the medieval Latin term dimedius meaning “half” or “partly” and the word romantic which refers to the expression of love.
It is still unknown who exactly coined the word, but we do know that the first use of the term was when a page for “demiromantic” was created on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) website in 2011.
Because the word demiromantic falls under the aromantic spectrum, when the first blog post that included the word aromantic surfaced in 2005 many of the orientations that branch from aromantisim were created. It is assumed that demiromantic was amongst these.
It is thanks to social media and hashtags such as #Demiromantic and #demiromanticpride that the word is growing in popularity. Platforms such as Twitter and Tik Tok are largely responsible for bringing awareness and clearer definition to the word demiromantic.
Other ways to say demiromantic
There are not many other ways to say demiromantic, but because it falls under numerous spectrums and identities many people use the terms synonymously. Here are some examples:
New words and identities are created every day. Labels and terms carry connotations whether that be bad or good, which is why one might identify with one term over the other even if they mean the same thing to someone else.
Is this identity for you?
If you feel like some of the content above resonated with you it might be important to do some reflection on whether or not you might be demiromantic. It is important to note that no one can define your identity except yourself, and not everyone likes to use labels. If you need some clarity or help understanding your identity here are some things to think about:
Do you need to know someone well to feel a romantic spark?
If you feel romantic feelings right off the bat or find that needing to know someone super well does not contribute to your romantic attraction you are most likely not demiromantic. However, if you find that a deep and thought-out bond is necessary when feeling romantic feelings then you might be demiromantic.
Do you fall under the aromantic spectrum?
If you know for a fact that you fall under the aromantic spectrum it might be overwhelming to understand exactly where on that scale you fall on. From Lithromantisim to Aegoromantism to demiromanticism, there are so many ways in which you might approach being aromantic. Reading up on what these different identities mean might help you narrow down where you may fall on the spectrum.
Do you have little to no crushes/dislike speed dating?
If the idea of dating someone before really getting to know them or having crushes on multiple people sounds foreign or unappealing to you, you may be demiromantic. A demiromantic person values the idea of an emotional bond, the feeling of romance might take years to develop for those a part of this community.
Demiromantic people in the media
The best way to learn and understand an identity is to see how they are represented in the media. We often look to movies, TV shows, and books to see characters that are like ourselves. Consuming demiromantic books and movies can be a helpful way to help come to terms with your identity or simply to learn more about it.
Here are some popular examples of demiromantic individuals in the media to follow and keep up with:
- Kouji: Kouji is a demiromantic man who also identifies as asexual, he is one of the main characters in the book “Don’t Kiss Me, I’m Ace.”
- Liu Qian: Liu Qian is a demiromantic and asexual character on the webtoon “Friends with Solitude.”
- Rivka: Rivka is aromantic, but still provides insight into the demiromantic world in the book “A Harvest of Ripe Figs.”
Our culture page is a great place to look for more content related to LGBTQ+ identities and the incredible people who embody them.
The demiromantic flag
The origin and creator of the demiromantic flag is unknown. People do however believe that the flag is based on the aromantic flag and AVEN logo. The meaning of the colors is also unknown, but members of the community have created their own definitions below:
- Black: represents the sexuality spectrum as a whole.
- Gray: represents demiromanticism and grayaromanticism.
- White: stands for being outside of the binary, platonic and aesthetic attraction, and queer/quasi-platonic relationships
- Green: represents the aromantic and demiromantic spectrum.
Embracing identity diversity is critical
Understanding where you fall on such a large spectrum can be daunting. Identity and love can be expressed in millions of ways and we are all still learning how to approach that. Demitomantisim is amongst one of the lesser known orientations which leaves us with the responsibility to become vehicles for awareness and visibility.
Everyone has a different approach to gender expression, pronouns, and sexuality. It is important to learn about each other, be respectful, and help everyone feel comfortable. The LGBTQ+ spectrum grows every year adding in new identities that cater to every unique individual. The demiromantic orientation is part of this remarkable community and we should embrace them as such.
Subscribe to the INTO newsletter to expand your understanding and awareness of our vibrant community