Last week, we learned about the stirring tale of the gay plane that couldn’t fly on Twitter. What fresh hell might this new week bring, you ask? Well, I have an answer. Just one week after comparing gay marriage to a weirdly-built plane, conservatives are now comparing gay marriage to a weirdly-built seatbelt. Because of course they are.
real marriage is when seatbelt pic.twitter.com/flKAAEUfXM
— matt (@mattxiv) July 31, 2022
Ah yes, the old seatbelt argument. A sound one to be sure! Republicans remain completely defined by an obsession with genitals, which is why nearly every day we receive the new gift of a totally unhinged meme that’s supposed to be some sort of eye-opening metaphor for all us sinners. When Matt Bernstein posted today’s latest gem, screams erupted from each and every corner of the gay Internet, accompanied by the corresponding Jurassic Park screenshots.
Life finds a way pic.twitter.com/gNLzo8eXY0
— The Rainbow Legion 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ 🇮🇪 (@RainbowLegion) July 31, 2022
One user pointed out a handy loophole in this “argument.”
So, it’s only a real marriage if you have four gay kids? pic.twitter.com/uj8uy4VF2K
— DOUBLE O’ NOTHING (@dublonothing) August 1, 2022
Seatbelts do not equal biology, and apparently this is something that needs to be explained:
“it’s biology” homeslice it’s a hypothetical seatbelt that’s not biology
— asta/starswirl is so tired🌙 (@Starswirldotpng) July 31, 2022
Somebody even made a mock-up of last week’s “gay marriage just won’t fly” comic to prove that it’s not even true.
— Queen Gabe 🌻 (@FlffrNttrBttr) August 1, 2022
Because two can play at that game:
Their logic pic.twitter.com/BVQsQlQjWo
— Allie 🏳️⚧️ (@GarlicBreadNB) July 31, 2022
Republican cocaine orgy. That is all!
— Civis Mundus (@CivisMundusSum) August 1, 2022
On another note…are Republicans alright? You know…in bed?
conservative homophobic metaphors so often reveal how bad at sex they are and it’s hilarious
— felix ☀️ (@squonchypossums) August 1, 2022
I guess we already knew the answer to that one going in.