Here’s all the tea we missed on break

It’s been a glorious week of dissociation, holiday glamor, sleeping in, and feeling like a washed-out Elrond and Frodo. But it’s all over now. The New Year is already New Yearing, and with 2024 it’s high time we got on with the thing we do best: spending an unhealthy amount of time on Twitter dot com.

While everyone is turning their attention toward a new year full of bright possibility and promise, we’re hard at work laughing at the memes everyone was too drunk and stoned to notice over the weird, hazy week between Christmas and New Year’s. Without further ado, here’s all the gay sh*t we missed.

Mandy Patinkin caused a 9.9 c*ntquake on the mother scale…
…and so did Rosamund Pike.
We celebrated 4 years of the Jo Marsh “women” monologue…
And saw two Waldo gays absolutely lose it at the airport
We learned about an intriguing “new” fitness “trend”…
And we got hyped about a Charli XCX-Britney Spears collab.
Perhaps most importantly of all, we celebrated the unveiling of the Shakira statue in Colombia.

It’s gonna be a great year, folks. May the Shakira be with you.

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