Getting Off

A gay man tried using a 3D-printed sex toy. Here’s what happened next.

We all know how it goes: you’re alone on a Friday night, you’re feeling a little lonely, a little horny, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit dangerous. You put on Ariana Grande’s 2016 opus “Dangerous Woman” and start going to town on…a 3D printed dildo?

You heard that right: 3D printing is marvel of the modern world, and it was only a matter of time before people started using this exciting new technology for exactly what it was intended. The production of sex toys.

On the subreddit r/AskGayMen, a user timidly posed the question: did I fully mess up by putting a 3D printing object where the sun don’t shine?

As you can probably guess, the answers were varied. The original poster explained that his friend just got a new 3D printer and was making a ton of fun stuff with it, including a dildo. We don’t what shape or size the dildo in question was, but we do know that the OP could not resist the temptation of using it.

His friend “asked me to take the dildo because he didn’t want it. I eventually took it home and thought “I really want to try using this.”

Use it he did—and it felt great, apparently, until it didn’t.

“Now I’m here a few minutes later,” the poster explained, “with my a** hurting and having to go to the bathroom. Did I do a giant mess up by using that tiny bit of the plastic dildo or is my a** just hurting from having spread it far wider then [sic] usual?

It’s a question for the ages.

“Shampoo is the problem my friend!” One poster commented after learning that the 3D object was cleaned using hair product. “Get some lube stat! Also that type of plastic probably isn’t body-safe so put a condom on it if you’re going to use it again.”

Good advice—and there was more where that came from.

“Bro just buy a normal dildo and lube,” someone else said. “Your a** is probably gonna need a week off.”

Other users suggested getting cheap lube and condoms from a local LGBT center. One helpful commenter gave an especially detailed answer explaining why it’s best to use multiple forms of protections against the 3D printed toy. “3D printers print in layers, which means it likely has small ridges that can abrade skin and get full of bacteria, all the way up and down it.” They wrote. “If you do choose to use it again, use actual lube AND put a condom on it. That’ll prevent you from chipping off plastic inside your body or getting the thing dirty in a way you can’t clean it.”

Now that’s a solid, judgment-free and informative answer!

But perhaps one user summed it up best by saying, “everyone telling you not to use soap in your a** is also correct. But long story short, just go on Amazon, find some lube, a cheap dildo, and a box of cheap condoms for about $40 and go to town with something WAY safer than a 3D printed c*ck.”

There you have it: a 3D printed dildo is a nice idea and not necessarily the most unsafe way to get off, but if you can afford to buy a toy that’s actually created for this purpose, you’ll have to deal with far less irritation and unpleasantness all around.

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