Ted Lasso Goes Down on Women, Internet Claims

It’s another glorious day on the Internet! Today’s discussion? Does beloved soccer coach Ted Lasso eat pink taco? Sources say: yes! 

It all began when writer Carol Blymire, upset at a Lasso-critical thread from “The Daily Show” producer Daniel Radosh proclaiming that the show had lost its way somehow.

I think you’re not ready to admit that what *really* bugs you about @TedLasso is that men go down on women before satisfying their own needs. You hate that women tell men what they want sexually and get it. You feel threatened by confident women. 🎯

— Carol Blymire (@CarolBlymire) August 23, 2021

Of course, Blymire shot back in the best way possible, explaining that the real reason people hate Ted Lasso, arguably the most-loved show in the world, is because its main character absolutely devours pussy. Now this was news to the Internet, especially the legions of us who have expressed no interest in watching Ted Lasso until this exact minute in time. Because we stan a pussy-eating hero. Weirdly enough, even fans of the show have no earthly clue what Blymire is talking about, but are fully willing to go along with it. Sure, Ted Lasso eats pussy now! Why not?

I think you’re not ready to admit that what *really* bugs you about @TedLasso is that men go down on women before satisfying their own needs. You hate that women tell men what they want sexually and there’s a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that’ll be a home run.

— Tom Fink (@finkdontstink) August 24, 2021

She’s absolutely right.

(I’ve never seen the show and have no idea what she’s talking about)

— Bon Ivermectin (@verdantjules) August 24, 2021

i, for one, am FURIOUS ted lasso eats pussy. https://t.co/jakh5R3TuZ

— wes. (@WesleyTate33) August 24, 2021

I, too, would love this lobotomy:

I want the kind of lobotomy that causes your tweet to make sense to me.

— Dahlia Zahava (@DahliaZahava) August 24, 2021

Basically, once word got out that Lasso is Team Pleasure, everyone was psyched.

Does Ted lasso actually eat pussy or is that a metaphor

— evelyn (@TSTGTVCD) August 24, 2021

I’ve never seen Ted Lasso but from the name and some discourse it’s apparently about a cowboy who eats pussy?

— handsome vermont morgan (@vermont_morgan) August 24, 2021

Ted Lasso eats pussy! Ted Lasso Eats Pussy! I shout. all the other men in Ace Hardware cheer

— chris murphy (@dropchrismurphy) August 24, 2021

Who is Ted Lasso and why does everyone care that he eats pussy?

— Chase 🪝🪝🚂🚃🚃🔥🔥 (@MarxBoner69420) August 24, 2021

Ted Lasso eats so much pussy cause he the only alternative is English food! #topical

— max🗿 (hello 👋) (@awildmaxdisapp1) August 24, 2021

Some remained skeptical…

also you can’t convince me that a guy named Ted Lasso eats pussy

— mister movies from the mister movies pod cast (@mistermoviespod) August 24, 2021

Someone even PREDICTED this way back in March!

i bet ted lasso eats MEAN pussy

— the winnipeg jorts 🏳️‍🌈 no justice no peace (@dadvansss) March 30, 2021

Now even us hold-outs HAVE to watch this thing. Thanks a lot, guys!

if this morning’s discourse is about whether or not ted lasso eats pussy then all that’s being accomplished here is me subscribing to whatever service that’s on. go to hell

— jojo (eric arc) (@waterslap) August 24, 2021