Question for the culture: what is a Christ-centered marriage? No takers? Here’s an easier one: what is a Biblical marriage?
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According to at least one couple that claims to keep Christ at the center of their heterosexual union (sounds like a throuple to me, but whatever) it involves many distinct rules and agreements, including not allowing any sexually-suggestive fruits or vegetables in the house, including melons, cantaloupes, or cucumbers.
Wait…what??
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TikToker and YouTuber Brittany Dawn Nelson is the subject of discourse after a viral video voiceover claimed that a Biblical marriage means not allowing certain “suggestive” food items into your home, because your husband might then be tempted by impure thoughts. This is deeply relatable as who among us hasn’t been driven to lustful thoughts in the presence of an English cucumber? Tale as old as time! And if you’re wondering if it’s real…sadly it’s not. It’s a fake voiceover that left us cackling—but it’s not far off from some of the wild sh*t that Brittany Dawn actually says on her channel.
Obviously the straights are not okay and we’ve known this for a long time. But when it comes to Brittany Dawn, an influencer who started as a fitness content creator before a scandal saw her pivot Gwen Stefani-like toward Christ content, this is a special kind of red flag. Similar to the time Roseanne Barr claimed the existence of rainbows in nature as proof of an evil gay conspiracy, Dawn has made videos claiming that the rainbow “belongs to God” and does not symbolize gay pride (ok…) She also thinks Taylor Swift’s music is demonic. Cool!
As always, it’s a pleasure to check in on the heterosexual world! Nothing to see here!
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