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A 100% Factual Non-Trash Ranking of Katy Perry’s Songs

You probably saw a certain ranking of Katy Perry’s songs floating around the internet. Let me be the first (or second or third!) to tell you it’s extremely wrong, and that the correct ranking follows.

64. Into Me You See

Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end of Witness. Your reward, somehow, is this song.

63. Mannequin

62. Spiritual

61. I’m Still Breathing

60. Miss You More

59. Dressin Up

58. Choose Your Battles

57. Every Day Is a Holiday

Oy to the world.

56. Rise

55. A Cup of Coffee

54. Who Am I Livin’ For?

53. Witness

52. Double Rainbow

The second half of Prism slumped as a slew of ballads brought down what was a pretty good first half. “Double Rainbow” is one of its biggest offenders.

51. Deja Vu

50. It Takes Two

49. Mind Maze

48. By the Grace of God

47. Dance With the Devil

46. Self Inflicted

45. Power

44. Fingerprints

43. This Moment

42. Ghost

41. Lost

40. Bigger Than Me

39. One of the Boys

38. Love Me

37. Save as Draft

36. Hey Hey Hey

35. Act My Age

34. Waking Up in Vegas

This is the worst kind of bop.

33. Circle the Drain

32. Pendulum

31. Ur So Gay

30. Legendary Lovers

This is an almost-bop marred by the fact that it’s overly kitschy and filled with faux Eastern mysticism lyrics. There’s literally a moment where Perry just whispers “Chakra” with too much enunciation over the music.

29. I Think I’m Ready

28. Thinking of You

Perry’s PR team always tries to push a ballad with each album era, and this one, like the others, is a mostly-flop.

27. This Is How We Do

This would rank higher if there had never been a totally racist video attached.

26. Pearl

25. Roulette

24. Unconditionally

23. International Smile

Convinced this is about Hillary Clinton.

22. E.T. featuring Kanye West

21. Tsunami

20. If You Can Afford Me

19. Hot N Cold

18. Dark Horse feat. Juicy J

Does anyone know what “Dark Horse” is even about? Do any of the lyrics make sense?

17. Peacock

16. Not Like the Movies

15. Chained to the Rhythm

14. Bon Appetit

Sure, Migos mars this track’s brilliance with their lackluster verses, but underneath the dust, there’s a diamond of a bop.

13. I Kissed a Girl

12. The One That Got Away

11. Wide Awake

10. Swish Swish ft. Nicki Minaj

Despite a terrible video, the song is still a certified bop.

9. Part of Me

Perry’s vocals sound so authentically hurt, it’s hard not to pick up exactly what she’s putting down.

8. California Gurls

When Perry sounds like she’s having fun, it’s hard not to nod along.

7. Roar

On “Roar,” Perry succeeds at the stadium-sized pop banger she so often fails to muster.

6. Last Friday Night

Not since Rebecca Black’s “Friday” has a song so captured what it’s like to end the week. BONUS: Missy Elliott is on the remix.

5. Hummingbird Heartbeat

Justice for this song, one Perry’s boppiest of bops.

4. Walking on Air

3. Birthday

Why wasn’t Prism a disco album? If more songs had been like “Birthday,” perhaps it would’ve been on rotation longer on everyone’s iTunes. Also, I won’t post the video because it’s terrible.

2. Firework

There’s a reason that this is Katy Perry’s encore concert song two eras later.

1. Teenage Dream

This a perfect pop song.

via GIPHY