Conversion therapy is an unfortunate reality for lots of queer folks, especially those raised in conservative religious communities. But usually, once someone is living out and proud in their queer identity, the prospect of conversion therapy goes out the window.
That’s why one gay man’s problem with his boyfriend raised eyebrows on Reddit, where he detailed his relationship woes in a post titled, “So my boyfriend is (willingly) doing ‘conversion’ therapy… And I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ve been together for a year now, and lately his therapist talked him into ‘exploring’ potentially repressed heterosexual tendencies he might have,” the poster wrote.
“The way he introduced the idea and talked so casually about it without any regard for how it could affect us made me super uncomfortable,” he continued. “There’s also the fact that he believes being with me is a ‘sin’ that he’s willing to commit (we both come from religious backgrounds but I stopped believing that God would see same sex relationships as a sin).”
Culture, unfiltered
Our newsletter will bring you the pulse of queer culture, from the tastemakers to the groundbreakers.
“On the other hand, if he does come up to me one day and says that he’s bi, I will be breaking up with him,” the poster added. “Our relationship has been incredible, but a hetero relationship that his whole world can see and be proud of is something I could never offer.”
Related
“His ‘only conclusion’ could be that he was ‘temporarily turned gay due to the attitude,’” explained a weary girlfriend in a viral post.
The folks of Reddit had a resounding message for the poster: get out of that relationship immediately.
“Red flags all over that,” one commenter wrote. “Conversion therapy is ridiculous but its absolutely a slap in the face to even consider that while youre in a relationship with someone.”
“The fact that he is willing to entertain conversion therapy while dating another guy for a year… well, it’s a huge f*cking slap in the face to you and your relationship,” another user echoed. “He is basically saying he doesn’t value you at all. And don’t get me started on the whole ‘I’m willing to sin with you’ bull sh*t! Dump this guy before you definitely get your heart broken. You deserve so much better.”
Others pointed fingers not only at the boyfriend, but at the therapist who would encourage him to do such a thing.
“Let me guess. This is an explicitly religious therapist,” one commenter mused. “Because no actual therapist would ever seriously suggest that someone has repressed heterosexual tendencies.”
“Why the repression? If you live in a society that’s not very accepting, where does that repression come from?” they continued. “If everything in his culture and religion tells him that his entirely natural and normal homosexuality is a sin, that he hates, why would he repress straight tendencies?”
Related
“If you refuse to date anyone who isn’t prince charming, then you’ll probably be forever alone.”
Another commenter claimed to be a psychotherapist themself, and laid out two theories of what might be happening — one of which leaves the door open for a hopeful future.
“There’s no way a mental health professional could prescribe conversion therapy. It’s illegal,” they wrote. “So two ideas come to my mind: 1) The therapist is actually trying to manipulate your bf because of wrong religious/clinical beliefs; 2) Your bf expressed the doubt he could be bi, so the therapist suggested to explore this, WITHOUT cancelling his already-existing gay identity.”
“In this second case, I’d say that even if your bf came out as bi, this should not be a risk for your relationship, as in any case he chose YOU,” they continued. “Instead, if the first option is true, the therapist should be reported.”
Sign up for the INTO newsletter and get your twice-weekly dose of stories that shape the queer experience, culture, and lifestyle.
