It is a truth universally acknowledged that a person in want of a good orgasm better produce one themselves. On Thursday, Carly Rae Jepsen unveiled the latest bop in her hook-heavy catalogue, “Party for One,” and it’s no question that the song is not only a good CRJ cut, it’s also part of a long tradition of songs that definitely toe the line between songs about loving yourself and, well, *loving* yourself.
There’s a lot of songs about masturbation, but very few of those songs are certified bops. Finally, here’s a playlist that’s only what you love: songs about masturbation that are also songs you can dance to.
Happy autoeroticism, y’all.
Carly Rae Jepsen, “Party for One”
Go ‘head and make that late-night reservation, Carly!
Hailee Steinfeld, “Love Myself”
Unbothered Oscar-nominated queen Hailee Steinfeld’s self-love bop is still underloved — unlike your genitalia after listening to this playlist.
Cyndi Lauper, “She Bop”
Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop” invented veiled references to touching yourself. We stan.
Divinyls, “I Touch Myself”
Did the Divinyls invent pop rock? Avril is quaking.
Charli XCX, “Body of My Own”
Turns out when Charli XCX isn’t busy guesting on other people’s #1 hits, she’s making some great masturbation anthems.
Nicki Minaj f. Beyonce, “Feeling Myself”
Turns out rapping about feeling yourself is just as good, if not better, than singing about it. Also, Beyonce’s verse is epic.
FKA Twigs, “Kicks”
Mainstream girls don’t deserve a monopoly on self-love.
Pussycat Dolls, “I Don’t Need a Man”
Pussycat Dolls held down the girl group landscape in the mid-2000s and we need to keep their cultural legacy afloat!
Tweet f. Missy Elliott, “Oops! Oh My!”
Tweet made masturbating in ice castles a THING and who among us can think of ANYONE else who even came close to doing that?
Britney Spears, “Touch of My Hand”
Noted masturbation enthusiast Britney Spears loved this In the Zone cut so much, she added it to her Vegas show.
Lady Gaga, “Sexxx Dreams”
Let “Sexxx Dreams” remind you that ARTPOP is a misunderstood masterpiece.
Dannii Minogue, “Vibe On”
A bit on the nose, but isn’t that what jerking off is like?
Goldfrapp, “Strict Machine”
If you think about the lyrics as anything other than surface level, they are not about a vibrator. But, the lyrics don’t lie!
Toni Braxton, “You’re Makin’ Me High”
Beyonce knows that Toni Braxton is a queen, and you all should, too! And if the queen enjoys masturbating, you do, too!