Everyone’s entitled to embrace whatever sense of style makes them feel most comfortable — but one trans man on TikTok couldn’t help but wonder if his love for masculine clothing was giving other queer folks the wrong idea.
A TikToker named Reed (@uhh.reed) turned to the internet to help him with a style emergency.
“Stay, I’m fruity!” Reed began. “Sorry, I just had to get your attention, ‘cause I figured if I looked like this you’d probably end up scrolling right away,” he explained, referring to his current look: shirtless, sporting facial hair, a Bass Pro Shops hat, and a pair of sunglasses.
“I have a problem: that I’m a funny guy. I like to do things ironically,” Reed continued. “But at the end of the day, I like masculine stuff, traditionally masculine stuff, stuff that might read as very toxic. In fact, I’m trying to go to Monster Jam this weekend, which is the monster truck rally, because who wouldn’t want to?”
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“My problem is that basically, I really enjoy dressing like this, somewhat as a humorous thing, but also as a gender-affirming thing,” he went on. “I just like to look like a really dude dude. And there are plenty of other ways to look masculine and not like you hate women.”
“How do I maintain that I am a decent person without compromising the things that I like to wear to express myself?” Reed asked. “Is that possible? Like, can I do this, or do I need to stop? After all, we’re just walking around in weird flesh suits.”
Folks in Reed’s comments offered two main perspectives: first, that there are ways to make his style more visibly queer without changing his overall masculine fashion sense.
“As a gay man who does this myself yes,” one commenter wrote. “You can subtly accessorize in ways that show you’re a safe space. fanny packs, jewelry, nail polish even if done poorly lol. also cropping vintage t’s into muscle tanks or editing the clothes a bit might read across as friendly but still be masculine.”
“Nail polish goes a lot further than you’d think in disarming the toxic masculinity,” echoed another commenter.
A third commenter said that Reed is already flagging his non-toxicity with jewelry: “Your cartilage piercing lets me know you’re good 👍🏻,” they wrote.
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“You never needed permission. Just let yourself happen,” she said to her past self, bridging the gap across four years of transitioning.
Others, meanwhile, commented that Reed doesn’t have to change anything about his style to appease other people. “I know so many non-misogynistic men (gay, straight, cis, trans and otherwise) who have been dressing exactly like this for years. Don’t overthink it and just be yourself! 🖤” one person commented.
“The toxic traits of masculinity are not aesthetic,” advised another. “Express yourself authentically, period.”
“Wear what you feel comfortable in, show people who you are with your actions, and anyone who ignores your actions and goes straight to looks isn’t worth your time,” commented a third.
Reed himself replied to that last comment, saying that it resonated with his experience. “I definitely try to show with actions that I’m kind and caring (not saying I’m perfect at it tho) and hope that at the end of the day my appearances don’t dictate my character,” he wrote.
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