JD Vance’s CPAC appearance is making waves, but not in the way he hoped. Unless he was secretly hoping that everyone would be talking about his pants, which I doubt.
Over the weekend, Vance appeared at the conference before an audience of conservatives allegedly thrilled to appoint him the MAGA heir apparent—in the absence of any other choices.
But there was something else happening during the conference, something sartorially suspect. People were quick to notice that whenever Vance took a seat, his pants were not prepared.
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It wasn’t just giving highwaters: it was giving fording the river with two oxen. Someone tell JD Vance’s pants that it’s not 1999 and this is not a dELiA*s catalogue.
And we haven’t even mentioned the socks yet.
“First of all, this sock is too tight,” one TikToker noted in a now-viral video. “It’s stressing me out. I need to know if his pants are always this short.”
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Apparently yes, they are always this short. Why? We don’t know. It’s one of the many great mysteries of the Trump cabinet. “Get into my comments, gentlemen who wear suiting,” the creator urged, “because I need to know if…the capri length is correct.”
True to form, commenters responded with quips of their own.
“The pants to sock ratio feels colonial,” one commenter wrote. “It’s giving ‘growth spurt over summer vacation,'” said another.
“Tarrifs and schemes, tarrifs and schemes, I’m a little lad who loves tarrifs and schemes!” wrote another poster, referencing the delightful little lad who loves berries and cream meme.
But one comment took the cake. “Aren’t they supposed to have a whole wardrobe team,” someone wrote, “or was that a DEI position?”
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