On TikTok, Sasha Allen has always kept things candid with his followers, from explaining why T4T relationships (like his with Adore Delano) are so special, to pointing out that the average person has definitely seen more trans people out and about than they realize. Now, the influencer, musician, and former Voice contestant is telling the world that for trans masc folks, top surgery isn’t always as euphoric as it’s made out to be.
“A week after I got top surgery, I remember I went to the doctor’s, and she was like, ‘Do you love the results?’” Allen said to start his video. “And I was like, ‘I haven’t looked at the results.’ And she was like, ‘What? Why haven’t you looked at the results?’”
“This is what I didn’t expect about top surgery, okay, ‘cause I thought it was gonna be easy peasy,” he continued. “Like, I’d watch YouTubers and they’d wake up in the operating room and they’d be like, ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy! I love my life!’ That is not what I experienced.”
Allen explained that while surgery can be traumatic for anyone, he had an especially rough go of things: “I think part of it was the fact that I found out after surgery — which was the first surgery I’ve ever had in my life — that I don’t react to painkillers like morphine or Vicodin. So I felt this motherf*cker!” he said, slapping his chest.
Culture, unfiltered
Our newsletter will bring you the pulse of queer culture, from the tastemakers to the groundbreakers.
Related
In a world filled with so much hatred toward trans folks, it’s pleasant to see us find happiness even if it is on the silver screen.
Rappers Savannah Hannah and Maddie Mook met on the set of “Rhythm + Flow,” and they’re still together six years later.
“Instead of feeling euphoric, which is how I expected to feel,” he went on, “I felt like a weird, gross, cut-open, circus freak, wounded human being that had my guts spilling out. That is how it felt, and I could not look at myself. I didn’t want to touch it. I was like, ‘Man, did I just make a mistake? Because I feel like sh*t.’”
“People don’t talk enough about post-op depression,” Allen added. “Especially because you have the highest hopes. Like, ‘Cool, I’ve been wanting this sh*t since I was 14!’ Then I’m like, ‘Oh my god, I’m so depressed, and I’m in so much pain, and I literally can’t even look at my own body.”
But Allen isn’t saying not to pursue top surgery. Rather, he’s just saying to be prepared that the physical experience is far from a fairy tale. “If I had been prepared for it to suck a little bit, it wouldn’t have sucked as much. The best decision of my life. Really, best decision of my life — but not reacting to morphine? What is that? Hello?” he wondered.
Sign up for the INTO newsletter and get your twice-weekly dose of stories that shape the queer experience, culture, and lifestyle.
