Are you polyamorous? 7 signs that point to yes

Polyamory, the practice of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously with the consent of all involved, is becoming increasingly visible in today’s world.

While traditional monogamy remains the default for many, an increasing number of people are exploring alternative relationship structures that better suit their needs and desires. But how do you know if you’re polyamorous or if polyamory might be right for you?

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While some individuals who identify as LGBTQ+ may also practice polyamory, it is not exclusive to the queer community. Polyamorous relationships can be complex and require open communication, mutual trust, and respect among all parties involved.

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Here are seven signs that could indicate you’re polyamorous.

1. You value emotional connections with multiple people at once

One of the key indicators of polyamory is the ability to form deep emotional connections with more than one person. Unlike monogamy, where emotional intimacy is often reserved for a single partner, polyamorous people often feel fulfilled by nurturing multiple relationships simultaneously. If you’ve found yourself forming strong bonds with more than one person and feel that those connections enhance rather than diminish your relationships, this could be a sign that polyamory might work for you.

According to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist who has extensively studied polyamorous families, individuals who thrive in polyamorous relationships often experience deeper communication and greater emotional intimacy across their multiple relationships.

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2. Jealousy isn’t a dealbreaker for you

Polyamory isn’t devoid of jealousy, but those who are polyamorous often manage it differently. If you’re someone who experiences jealousy but finds ways to work through it, either by communicating with your partners or setting boundaries that make everyone feel comfortable, you might be polyamorous. Polyamory isn’t about not feeling jealousy—it’s about being able to manage it constructively.

In Polyamory and Jealousy by Eve Rickert, the author states, “the key to managing jealousy is not in eliminating it, but in understanding what it reveals about your needs and boundaries.” Rickert continues with, “jealousy is not a monster to be tamed but a feeling to be understood.”

@mia12538

This is why I insist on having open/honest communication 😒 #polyamory #polyamorous #nonmonogamy #enm #ethicalnonmonagomy #polyamtiktok #polyamorytok #wlw #wlwtiktok #wlwlesbian

♬ 5 years bo burnham – hali

3. You value autonomy and flexibility in your relationships

If the idea of having the freedom to explore different kinds of relationships appeals to you, polyamory could be a good fit. Many people in polyamorous relationships appreciate the autonomy and flexibility it provides. This means being able to have different types of relationships with different people—one partner might fulfill your need for intellectual stimulation, while another may provide physical or emotional support.

A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute found that, “individuals in polyamorous and other types of CNM relationships tend to be like those in monogamous relationships – they show similar levels of psychological wellbeing, passionate love and attachment, and give similar judgements about their relationship quality, including commitment and satisfaction.”

4. You enjoy variety in your romantic and sexual life

Polyamory allows for diversity in your romantic and sexual life, enabling you to experience a range of connections that might not be possible in monogamous relationships. If you find that you have a desire for variety—whether in terms of emotional connection, intellectual engagement, or sexual experiences—polyamory might be a way to explore these needs within a consensual framework.

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The desire for variety can come from really knowing one’s own sexual and romantic wants. A study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2023 found that people in polyamorous relationships often seek stronger emotional connections, personal freedom, and meeting needs that monogamous relationships might not fulfill.

5. You believe in love without limits

For some people, the idea that love should be confined to one person at a time feels restrictive. Polyamorous individuals often describe love as something that isn’t limited or diminished by sharing it with multiple people. If you believe that loving one person doesn’t mean you have less love to give to others, polyamory could be the relationship style that aligns with your beliefs.

@polyamarla

You can have different styles of polyamory/consensual non-monogamy hapoening at the same time! . . . . . .#polyamory #nonmonogamy #fyp #openrelationships #relationshipadvice

♬ original sound – Marla (they/them)

Sydney Rinehart, MSW, shares on Balanced Awakening that “polyamory isn’t solely about engaging in multiple relationships; it’s an intricate tapestry of values, commitments, and beliefs that prioritize personal choice over conforming to societal norms.”

She continues, “this philosophy is rooted in the belief that love is not a finite resource, and the heart’s capacity for connection extends beyond the boundaries of convention.”

6. You find traditional monogamy constraining

Monogamy works for many people, but if you find it restrictive or unfulfilling, polyamory might be worth exploring. This could be because you have different needs that a single partner may not be able to meet, or because you feel like traditional monogamous structures limit your personal growth and freedom.

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7. You’re willing to put in the work

Polyamory requires a lot of communication, trust, and emotional labor. If you’re willing to invest the time and effort to make multiple relationships work, this is a strong indicator that you could be polyamorous. Successful polyamorous relationships rely on honest communication, clear boundaries, and a willingness to address issues as they arise.

Research from the The Journal of Sex Research highlights that polyamorous individuals often report high levels of need fulfillment and satisfaction in both relationships.

@clubbodytalk

There’s a lot of work that going into being polyamorous. But I think this is one of the most evolved qualities a human can have. #polyamory #relationshipadvice #nonmonogamy

♬ Aesthetic – Tollan Kim

It’s okay to be polyamorous or monogamous

Polyamory isn’t for everyone, but if you see yourself in these signs, it might be worth exploring further. Remember, polyamory, like any relationship style, comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. It’s important to approach it with an open mind, clear communication, and a willingness to learn.

Whether you’re just curious or seriously considering polyamory, understanding your relationship needs is the first step. If you’re unsure, talking to a therapist experienced in consensual non-monogamy can provide additional guidance.

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