Here’s what’s wrong with assuming that everyone “can become bi-curious”

Since the days of Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl,” the stereotype of straight girls kissing each other to explore their sexualities has run rampant. It’s not uncommon to hear folks say that “everyone’s got a little gay in them” — but that philosophy has some major flaws, as some recent internet discourse proves.

The conversation started on TikTok, where creator @alineandliz shared a video set to “Pretty Girls” by Reneé Rapp, a pop song about queer girls who will only kiss other girls after dark.

“I have a theory that every girl (who is open to it) can become bi-curious when the right girl stands in front of her,” they wrote in the video.

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The comments on that post were largely in agreement: @alineandliz was preaching the truth.

“If I could pretend to be into men for 27 years they can too,” wrote one commenter.

“Spaghetti is straight till it’s wet,” quipped another.

But when the theory made its way over to X (formerly Twitter), it ran up against some opposition.

“Is it controversial to say that this is a very harmful mindset,” asked user @Iipssoscarlet. “It’s the same logic as when men tell lesbians that they just haven’t found the right guy yet.”

Many folks agreed with @Iipssoscarlet: assuming that every straight girl could be open to being with women opens the door to make the opposite assumption about queer women, leaving them vulnerable to harassment from straight men.

Others felt that the statement was invalidating of both bisexuality and lesbianism.

“As a bi person I find it offensive because it kind of suggests that being bi is a fun experimental thing rather than a real sexuality,” one user shared.

“A mindset like that can easily turn into ‘all girls are all a little gay sometimes’ which is just invalidating to sapphic women,” wrote another.

As a bi person I find it offensive because it kind of suggests that being bi is a fun experimental thing rather than a real sexuality.

— Apollo Blue (@fabulistApollo) April 9, 2024

because it never applies to men, the second a dude says something like that he’s gay but the girl is considered to be “open minded”, and a mindset like that can easily turn into “all girls are all a little gay sometimes” which is just invalidating to sapphic women

— min⁺¹ 🇵🇸 (@tyangflower) April 9, 2024

Some even proposed a counter-theory: anyone who assumes that everyone is a little bisexual is likely just queer themself, but unwilling to recognize that not everyone shares those feelings.

Back in their TikTok comments, the original creator clarified what they meant and admitted they made a poor choice of words. Rather than the idea that someone could suddenly “become bi-curious” when presented with the right person, “they have not been open to exploring their potential sexuality but might if the right one stands in front of them,” they wrote.

“The ‘reasoning’ behind my theory is out of personal experience but also just because women are in my opinion more open to exploring their sexuality in comparison to men, as society is more ‘open’ to the idea of women doing so instead of men,” they continued. “Like I said, it’s just a theory, anyone can disagree or agree.”

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