In shocking news, gay bars are meant for gay people. In even more shocking news, straight people don’t get that — and the latest round of TikTok discourse proves it.
The drama began when a straight woman took to TikTok to complain about her first time going to a lesbian bar: Cubbyhole, to be exact, an iconic sapphic bar in New York City. Lexi Stout, the straight woman in question, said at first she was having a gay old time.
“Everyone was so nice,” she says. “The music was all, like, Reneé Rapp, and I was living my best life.”
Her experience quickly turned sour, though, when her straight guy friend decided to join them at the bar. To hear Stout tell it, a gay woman soon approached her friend and asked what he was doing there.
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Stout was “taken aback,” because she’d been to plenty of gay bars aimed at men before and never had this problem.
“I get it: it’s a gay bar for women. For women. But the amount of very obviously, flamboyantly gay men that were in that bar that were not being approached and yelled at was wild,” she says. Clearly, Stout doesn’t grasp the concept of queer spaces or solidarity between queer men and lesbians.
“Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?” she asks to end her video. “I’m genuinely curious.”
To answer your question, Lexi: No, they’re not — especially if they’re going to disrespect the queer clientele, which your straight guy friend did, as revealed in a response from the lesbian who approached you at the bar.
The woman, Katie, says she tapped the straight guy on the shoulder because he was blocking the way to the bathroom. When he met her innocent request to move with attitude, she asked who he was there with.
“If I wasn’t here with someone, would that be a problem?” he asked in response.
“Absolutely,” Katie replied. “Yes, it would be a problem.”
That answer, apparently, set off Mr. Straight Guy and his whole straight friend group, who started berating Katie for her comment.
“This is a queer bar. We don’t have a lot of spaces,” Katie says she explained to the group. “I have seen a lot of cis straight guys come into this bar and cause problems. … There are straight dudes that come into these bars specifically because they’re trying to pick up girls.
“I do think that if you’re going into a queer space, you should be respectful of that, and you should keep in mind that there are very limited spaces, especially for lesbians and queer women where we can feel safe,” Katie says, citing the fact that there are only 30 lesbian bars across the entire United States. “I’m not gonna apologize for protecting them.”
Needless to say, the internet (and basic logic) is on Katie’s side. The comment’s on Stout’s original video are dragging her for filth, pointing out her entitlement and shallow understanding of queer spaces.
“You were a guest. You don’t go to someone else’s house, invite your other friend and then argue with the host if they don’t want your friend there,” reads one comment.
“If you are a straight woman coming to a lesbian bar, this isn’t your space to determine what is okay and what’s not okay in our space. Period,” says another.
“Our safe spaces are not themed parties for straight people,” wrote another commenter. “We have so few places to feel safe.”
Queer women across the internet also shared their stories of dealing with straight people in sapphic bars. On X, formerly Twitter, users complained about being confronted for checking out other women, hit on by men, and used for straight folks’ entertainment.
Stout has since commented on the discourse in another video.
“The lesbians of TikTok are coming for me, and I’m sorry,” she says. “I really just had a genuine question and I didn’t know I was gonna get yelled at, bombarded, screamed at.”
It sounds like Stout’s sorry that people are rightfully mad at her, and not sorry for crashing a queer space in the first place.
“I’ve learned my lesson, and I will never be returning to a lesbian bar ever again,” Stout said.
On behalf of the queer community, good riddance.
According to The Stranger, two gay bars — The Cuff Complex and The Seattle Eagle — received citations over clothing.
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