To Each Their Own

The discourse around lesbian fluidity, explained

It’s a common refrain: sexuality is fluid. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that statement; in fact, it’s an important reminder that heterosexuality isn’t the default setting for humans, and that there’s a wide range of queer identities out in the world. But that doesn’t mean every individual’s sexuality is fluid — a fact lesbians on social media are calling out.

The discourse began with a viral post on X from a user named Nico, reading, “We’re in an epidemic of fluidity being forced down the throats of lesbians btw.”

Nico further explained their point in the replies, writing, “The concept of sexuality being fluid is not a universal experience and a lot of lesbians do not experience that with their own sexuality. (This is not speaking on the expansiveness of lesbianism! I’m talking [about] fluid outside of it).”

“I’ve [just] noticed a lot of instances recently of [people] who explicitly say they are lesbians have [that] constantly questioned and then [people] bending backwards to apply fluidity to them/almost pressure them into needing to feel like their sexuality is fluid in order for it to be valid,” she continued.

Other lesbians were quick to commiserate, sharing their own frustrations with the argument pointing out the fact these same criticisms never seem to be brought up toward gay men. 

One person lamented about the bizarre hypothetical situations people propose, as if to get lesbians to admit they’re not actually lesbians.

“I will never forget after saying lesbians don’t like men, somebody asking me in earnest, if a lesbian is having sex with a genderfluid person and they flow back into a man during the event, what happens?” they recalled. “What if the world was made of pudding?”

To be clear, this isn’t intended as a trans-exclusionary argument (trans lesbians are still lesbians, after all), nor is it saying that all lesbians have to adhere to a strict, traditional definition of the label (some folks who do identify as lesbians are attracted to men — just not all). Rather, lesbians are saying their sexualities are questioned more than other queer people’s, no doubt due to them usually leaving men out of the equation in a patriarchal society.

Long story short, when someone tells you their sexuality, believe them. Yes, for many, sexuality is fluid — but for others, it’s set in stone, and that should be respected.

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