Sapphic and Solo

Is there a lesbian loneliness epidemic?

Pride Month is all about building queer community, but that’s easier said than done — particularly for lesbians, say folks on social media, who are commiserating about feeling isolated.

The discourse began with a viral post reading, “I love being a lesbian but it feels extremely isolating at times.” Other lesbian used the post as a springboard to figure out exactly why they related so strongly.

Many lesbians said that being surrounded by straight people — or even other queer people that aren’t lesbians — can leave them feeling like there’s no one to relate to.

“No one else but other lesbians get it [because] we’re the only ones who don’t like men,” one user lamented. As another person put it, “everyone is so obsessed with men,” and when society is dominated by men (both literally and culturally), it makes it difficult for lesbians to carve out their own spaces and conversations.

Others connected the experience to the manga My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, an autobiography by Kabi Nagata about the phenomenon of — as the title suggests — lesbian loneliness (which is a recommended read for everybody this Pride Month).

Several people also reported inexplicably having no other lesbians in their life, even within their queer circles.

What makes finding lesbian friendships so difficult? The lack of IRL lesbian spaces could have something to do with it. There are painfully few lesbian bars left in America — a total of just 32 — and even those bars are commonly full of non-lesbians. Where can lesbians connect in real life, and not just on social media? It’s difficult to say, but naming the problem is the first step to overcoming it.

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