As any queer person could tell you, getting a closed mind to open up can seem like an impossible task. But one trans woman’s story on Reddit proves that it can be done, with a healthy dose of childhood wisdom.
In a post titled, “My mother was shamed into respecting me by my 6 year old daughter,” the poster described how her child accomplished something she’d never been able to.
“My mother has been aware of my trans status for decades,” she wrote. “She went to PFLAG. We had heart to heart conversations. I’ve never been gendered correctly.”
“A few weeks ago my six year old daughter was talking to us in the kitchen. She’s upfront in a way adults typically aren’t. My kids know me as a woman; they don’t care,” the poster continued.
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That’s when her daughter’s seemingly foolproof strategy came into play. “She asked why she calls me a boy if I’m a girl. Long, pregnant pause, my mother doesn’t say anything. She asks why she uses my wrong name. Another long pause. She asks why she calls me her dad because she has two moms. My mother has nothing to say.”
“32 years and that’s what it took. I haven’t been misgendered since,” the poster concluded. “My mother was shamed by a six year old.”
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“Would I have maybe made her feel outed by randomly telling her she’s beautiful?” asked a cis woman seeking advice.
“Why should I feel bad for one of the very, very few advantages we have over straight guys?” mused one commenter on Reddit.
Other trans folks in the comments congratulated the poster on raising such a smart, outspoken child, while also musing on why a kid was able to do what an adult couldn’t.
“I imagine part of it might be that your daughter calling her out made her realize how she sounds,” one commenter suggested. “I couldn’t get my mom to budge either, then I take in a two year old who calls me mom and she’s suddenly getting it right at least within earshot of the child. She doesn’t want to cause them distress by being contrary to what they call me. She might have realized she could be doing harm to her granddaughter by being so stubborn and resilient for no good reason.”
Another commenter pointed out how adults could learn from the daughter’s approach: “This is a good example of how the thing that will get someone to start letting go of their bigoted beliefs often isn’t a rational argument or evidence-based studies but an emotional appeal and a desire not to lose the respect of a loved one,” they wrote.
“Exactly my thought,” agreed the original poster.”I’ve never used logic to convince someone out of transphobia. The best activism I’ve done has been being trans, but also kind, and high functioning. That obvs wasn’t successful within my own family, but our lovely daughter accomplished that.”
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