When you spend hours of your gay life on TikTok, there are a few creators you simply can’t miss, no matter how hard you try. These are creators who have so masterfully romanced the algorithm that it doesn’t matter how far removed your interests might be from their content. They will find a way to show up on your fyp, and after enough forced exposure, you might just find yourself starting to enjoy what they have to offer.
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One of the most ubiquitous FoodTok creators in this area is Logan, affectionately nicknamed “Cucumber Twink.” This Canadian influencer can often be seen making delicious-looking Korean staples like kimchi and japchae, but it’s his cucumber content that’s managed to gain the most attention on FoodTok. “Sometimes you need to eat an entire cucumber,” he often states by way of an opener. “Let me show you the best way to do it.”
He then proceeds to slice a huge (usually English hothouse) cucumber into thin slices and throws them into a deli container with the toppings of his choice. Crowd favorites include the California Roll sushi cucumber, including avocado, imitation crab, wasabi and ginger, as well as the smoked salmon cream cheese variety that takes on classic bagel toppings (with added MSG, of course.)
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Now I know what you’re thinking: we know the cucumber twink is a twink, but is he queer? Well, we don’t want to speculate about Logan’s sexuality, but we do know that he has a girlfriend currently. But twinks can be from any community, especially if they’re showing up with teachable skills that everyone who’s ever struggled to eat a vegetable-based meal can use. We accept you, cucumber twink. The LGBTQIA+ acronym is now LGBTQIAC+ to include your excellency.
But not everyone is thrilled about cucumber twink’s TikTok ascendency: no, that’s a total lie, we’re all actually quite thrilled. Even people who claim to hate cucumber twink can’t help feeling like he’s doing God’s work over here.
“I’m mad because all it took to get people into cucumbers was a twink shaking them,” said user @shrewcore last week. I mean, yeah! Who knew we could all be united over something as anodyne as the common cucumber!
“I owe so much to that cucumber twink,” another user said in a TikTok last week. “Because not only did he get me hooked on cucumber salad, when I run out of cucumbers, I will now go to any produce.”
Even lettuce, apparently, which is big talk. Do you know how hard it is to get excited about lettuce? Trust me it’s very hard. But cucumber twink showed us that raw vegetables can indeed be delicious if you cover them in salt, cream cheese, avocado, soy sauce, and MSG. Heaven!
Basically, we all over cucumber twink quite the debt of gratitude. In these terrible economic times, he’s giving us life hacks we can actually use. Bring on the cucumber martinis!
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