Send in the Orcas

The Internet Agrees: Killer Orcas Should Probably Attack JK Rowling’s Yacht

If you’ve been awake and alive for the past few weeks, news of killer orcas ramming and sinking boats on the Iberian Peninsula has probably graced your feed, and you’ve probably thought to yourself, “wow, nature is healing.”

Well, you’re right: as with the murder hornet debacle of 2021, sometimes the nature world feels the need to partake in its own sh*tposting, often to the detriment of us humans having a fun, nice summer. And that’s all fine and great! We’re firmly on the side of the killer whales, even if some Atlantic writer finds it silly.

But you know what would really get us on their side? If they started attacking TERF author JK Rowling’s $19 million yacht.

Rowling—who, as a reminder, lives in a literal castle—has continued to pick her battles poorly this year. Rebranding herself as a defender of cis women’s rights (lol) she recently set up a trans-exclusionary therapy service and took Johns Hopkins University’s new set of LGBTQ+ care guidelines to task for…being gender-inclusive. She continues to paint herself as the victim, despite, again, living in a castle and owning a 20 million dollar yacht.

So yes, I think it’s time to bring in the orcas, don’t you?

Hold on…what’s that? We’re getting word that the yacht was previously owned by alleged abuser Johnny Depp? Oh yeah, that thing needs to go down, stat.

Honestly, an orca attack on this boat would make our day.

Here’s hoping.

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