Straight to the point

The gays are asking: Can straight guys be in gay relationships?

Relationships are all about rolling with the punches, but some curveballs are harder to process. For example, when two guys are dating, it’s a shocker if one of them comes out as straight.

That’s what a user on Reddit was going through when they made a post asking for advice.

“I met my current boyfriend at work and we kind of always just hit it off,” the poster explained. “One day he told me he fell in love with me and from then, we have been in a committed relationship.”

Sounds like a run-of-the-mill gay love story so far. “But yesterday, he said he wasn’t into guys but me (says he is completely straight),” they continued. “As weird as it sounds, I feel so weird about it.”

Lots of folks met the story with confusion. “Is he still in a relationship with you? Is he still dating you while calling himself straight?” one commenter asked, seemingly ignoring the phrase “current boyfriend” in the story.

“The ‘completely’ in ‘completely straight’ is doing heavy lifting here,” joked one comment.

“He can identify however he very well pleases, but he isn’t going to find very many people who will believe that he’s straight while dating a guy,” wrote another.

But other commenters said the situation wasn’t as strange as it seemed.

“I’ve heard of relationships like this,” one commenter wrote. “You are his exception. He’s not usually attracted to men but he’s attracted to you and chose a relationship with you. It’s up to you to decide how to process that. We tend to over simplify sexuality but it can be quite complex. It will most likely be a situation that if you were to ever break up that he will go back to dating women.”

“Not terribly abnormal believe it or not,” shared another. “I consistently pursued a guy for five years. He was like ‘I’m not into guys.’ And I was like ‘That’s fine, you don’t have to be into guys, I just have to be inside you.’ And then we were together for a few years and then he went right back to women.”

 “The guy I am dating had the same in reverse, his former girlfriend was the only girl he was interested in, it’s not that uncommon,” shared a third. “He fell in love with you, who cares if he is interested in other guys? He is interested in you. That’s all that matters.”

But the situation being common doesn’t change the complicated feelings that come with it. Why does continuing to identify as straight, even while dating another guy, seem so important to this partner?

“I think what doesn’t sit well with you most of all is that he hasn’t integrated your relationship into his identity,” one commenter pointed out. “That’s a notable red flag and likely is signaling to you that there’s trouble afoot that you weren’t aware of.”

“How can he be in a loving and committed relationship with a man that involves romanticism without identifying as same-sex attracted? He’s not even considering himself bisexual,” they continued. “So what does this say about your place in his life? How does he reconcile his ‘love’ for you? How do you address this? It’s tough.”

One user suggested providing the boyfriend with the language he might not have, and propose that he may, in fact, be bisexual.

“He doesn’t seem to have the language skills to accurately describe his attractions. That may be from general ignorance and internalized homophobia,” they wrote. “If he is attracted to you and women he is bisexual. Just be matter of fact about it but don’t be hostile. Let him come to terms with it. But if he in any way starts to degrade you or make you feel bad about yourself because you are a guy then you shouldn’t put up with it.”

Ultimately, the story goes to show that labels aren’t the be-all-end-all of love and attraction. Love is love, after all — even if it doesn’t seem to match the way you identify.

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