Hooking up with a friend is one thing. Hooking up with a frat brother is entirely another — and when faced with the opportunity, one gay frat bro reached out to his fellow gays for advice.
In a Reddit post titled, “I just saw one of my frat boys on Grindr,” the user recounted seeing one of his frat brothers on the infamous hookup app. The poster’s profile was anonymous, so his brother didn’t recognize him, and he pretended not to know who the brother was in return — despite actually having a big crush on him.
“I’ve recognized him as one of the juniors. I’m a freshman. We’ve met before but he might not remember me,” the poster wrote. “Given the massive crush I have on this man I might try to get with him but we [are] from the same frat…I don’t know how people would receive that when it’s finally revealed.”
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Responses to the post were mixed. Several commenters said they could relate and encouraged the poster to go for it: “In college I accidentally came across several guys on Grindr that were in my frat,” one commenter wrote. “My biggest regret was not going for it cause I was closeted at the time. You only live once. No one cares at the end of the day.”
“Secrets never stay secret so beware and be cautious but if you’re both willing to take the risk…why not try,” another commenter reasoned. “You can always leave the fraternity behind and become the happy loving gay men that you actually are.”
But others warned the poster of potential disaster, which they’d experienced firsthand.
“I’m gay in a frat and I’ve hooked up with one of my brothers and honestly I don’t recommend,” one commenter advised. “It can make things really weird. Bear in mind you have to see him pretty frequently for years to come, so if something goes wrong or anything, you still have to see him. Sh*t can get awkward, dramatic, and unpleasant very quickly.”
“As a fellow gay bro in a frat I’d really recommend checking your chapters bylaws,” suggested another. “Only because a bad break up can fracture a chapter if brothers take sides. It’s happened in the past.”
“I’d put frat brother in the came category as coworker — more trouble than it’s worth,” a third commenter wrote. “Do you — but I’d walk away and act like I never saw the profile. Just isn’t worth the hassle.”
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Another commenter suggested finding a happy medium between hooking up with the frat brother and ignoring him altogether: Waiting to get together until you’re not in the same frat.
“I wouldn’t get involved with him until after you’re out of the college scene,” they wrote. “The fact that he’s in the same fraternity would be off limits. I know it sounds like some kind of magical porn film scenario [two] frat bros getting together but the risks outweigh [the] benefits. Your life could become very miserable immediately.”
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